Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Commencing Transmission

Dearly beloved, we come together in the hallowed halls of pop for our daily Girls Aloud briefing. Please keep your arms and feet inside the vehicle at all times, and don’t raise your voice too high as it’ll bring a swarm of Sheryl Crows down upon your well-quaffeured bouffants, shrieking so. If you do encounter this, feel free to use your Siobhan Fahey Fog-Horn to scare them off, but make sure you can counter the tuneless blasting with your Marcella Detroit Ray, a la their number one hit ‘Stay’. We don’t want to bring the whole place down around us, do we!

Now. Let it be noted that the Girls are somewhat slipping from favour at the moment with their terrible choice for their third single, Life Got Cold. Also, the b-side of Girls on Film is a pointless direct reworking of the sparse Duran Duran single, with no injection of guitar-led uber-pop that the Girls so rightfully could patent. We here at the halls are not saying that you should avoid getting the single to prove them a lesson, but a strong tut next time you see one of the Girls clad in tin-foil whilst shopping in Top Shop should do the trick.

Other business. We hear that Karen Carpenter was on the balcony upstairs again, wittering on. Do not encourage her. That girl really should have shown up for dinner; she presently looks like a microphone stand with a wig on.

Further to popular rumour, Dolly Parton has indeed been categorised as Classical Music over there in that pink annex by the Men With Lovely Nails. While Dolly is indeed excited, please watch for her running through the library in a tube-top chasing what appeared to be a North American forest creature whilst screaming about her ‘critter’. I was left to assume either that she was having vaginal difficulties or her timid forest creature had been frightened by the gunfire.

She apparently was NOT wearing appropriate shoes.

Thank you all; I shall see you tomorrow for exactly what is going on with Robbie Williams.

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