Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, August 18, 2003

In-Joke Theatre

David J. Howe arrives at the Pearly Gates after tripping over the original prop of The Myth Makers’s Trojan horse and banging his head on the console. Instantly taken with the Zero Room-like ambience, he raps presently on the gate, and approaches St Peter to announce himself in the manner of Jon Pertwee at a convention. St Peter looks over his glasses at the new arrival.
“Ah, David J. Howe. Welcome to Heaven!�
David J. Howe beams. “W-w-w-wow! I made it!�
“Indeed you did, my friend! Now, we have some special things laid out just for you. Over there, you can chat with Patrick Troughton. Over there, you can watch Evil of The Daleks - vidFIRED, of course - and over there, you can actually act out The Evil of The Daleks with you as the Doctor with all the original sets, props and props.�
“Th-th-this is w-w-wonderful,� he stutters. “B-b-but tell me, A-a-andrew Beech isn’t in he-here, is he?�
“Nonono,� calms St. Peter and leans forward conspiratorially. “Andrew has gone to the… other place.�
David J. Howe rubs his hands and wonders whether his day could get any better. He watches Evil of The Daleks, and then plays the Doctor in Evil of the Daleks, and then sits down to chat to Patrick Troughton about how he played the Doctor in Evil of the Daleks.
The afternoon is going swimmingly until a familiar wheezing, groaning noise comes from the cloud across from him and David turns to see a battered blue Police Box materialise. Out pops a gangly, bleach-blonde figure, with a pair of skin-tight lycra cycling shorts sprayed on his leathery frame. He doffs his bohemian hat in David J. Howe’s general direction.
David splutters his weak lemon drink. “I w-w-w-w-was told that Andrew B-b-b-beach wasn’t here!�
Troughton sighs. “He’s not. That’s God. He just thinks he’s Andrew Beech.�

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