Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, August 11, 2003

Jackass Indeed

This tale answers an age-old question.

As there’s nothing to do in my home town bar break into Kwik-Fit or get pregnant, local kids have been taking to heart the jackass culture and spicing up their local parties with any stunts they can think of. My mother told me of one that my cousin Scott was present at the night before she arrived, where they bet this boy £50 if he could eat six tea bags. He spent a good hour chewing on one while walking up and down the garden, before giving up entirely. He then went on to bet my cousin he couldn’t eat an entire coffee jar – and put up £100. Scott declined, but another boy said he’d do it. Scott said that if he did, he’d put up £100 himself, leaving this boy £200 richer.

The boy jumped at the chance and for the rest of the night, this kid happily sat with a coffee jar and a spoon, munching away while washing it down with Strongbow. I suppose it would become easier the more you ate as the faster you would become, but anyway, he managed it in the early hours and collected the £200 quid with much applause, praise and backslapping. And probably would be up for the rest of the week with a twitching look about him.

This could have been the end of the story, except my mother gets a text message the following day from Scott. The coffee-boy had been rushed into hospital and put on a fibulator because his heart had started to spasm with all the caffeine. He almost died.


Now that’s cool.

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