Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Vision Impared. Can't See Postbox.

Due to an unfortunate incident at the age of five when I inhaled a complete set of Terrance Dicks books, I appear to know far too much about Doctor Who than I should - much to the chagrin of the wife. By no means can I name the story codes for episodes, or what order they came in, but I do know silly little facts like the TARDIS is a Type 40 time capsule and the colour Daleks can’t see is red.

The last silly fact comes from the Terry™ Nation™'s Dalek™ Book™ cash-in guide to the ‘malevolent pepperpots’ published in the 60s. It was full of equally overblown factoids about Dalek abilities stating that a Dalek gun is as powerful as a lightning blast, or if you bent over near a Dalek, it could pleasure you fully for three days before having to return to its saucer. Or somesuch. Anyway, within this book with a nice big friendly letters and a nice big friendly red Dalek on the cover, it insistently states that anything even slightly red is invisible to them. Hum. So was the red Dalek on the cover of the book a special Stealth Dalek? The Daleks did experiment with invisibility once on Spiradon, but it all went a little wrong. So I suppose the remaining Daleks were brought up before the Emperor to explain why they hadn't managed to get all Invisible Man on the Doctor's ass and a bit of quick thinking by Dalek Zog, and a can of red Hammerol later, and they had a Dalek that was capable of sneaking up behind their blessed leader and bellowing 'You will obey me' and goosing him.

The Emperor must have proclaimed the project a success, and never understood why lesser races were always laughing and pointing at them when they arrived in their big red ships that incidentally now looked like flying Smarties. Nor why The Dalek Invasion of Earth: 1975AD was never a success after the whole invasion task force accidentally wandered into a bus depot and were destroyed by busses to Putney.

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