Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Commencing Transmission

Dearly beloved, we are gathered once more in the hallowed halls of popular music for our Daily Girls Aloud briefette. We’re sorry that it’s having to be held in the elevator, but the main floor is being used for Louise Nerding’s public relations festival for her single launch. Three people have turned up so far - a record! But think of this as Willy Whoopsie’s Great Gas Elevator, mind the closing doors, and off we go!

First floor: Hand Clare, Abs and Fast Food Rockers. Going up!

Liberty Ten are returned to us! The lovable quintet have escaped the machinations of the evil Mr X and give us this wonderful dancefloor filler. We note with interest that with each subsequent video, the girls are wearing less and less while the boys are wearing more. One popular theory is that the band has a limited fabric budget, and Mr Tony had a rather fetching knee-length jacket made for the shoot, leaving the girls with three bits of saucy felt and a necklace apiece. How ungentlemanly.

Second floor: Spice Girls, Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morrisette. Going up!

Emma Bunton rolls herself onto the screen with her new Sixties-by-numbers melody that appears to be as catchy as herpies, and just as sociably acceptable. We picked up the transmission of her latest video in the staff lounge last night and noticed that it had duel effects of making us want to have a sexy party and wondered why we all had a sudden craving for pasties. Some Good Advice: dear lady, if you’re going to go for liposuction, you’re meant to have it taken out of your face and stuck in your arse. Not the other way around.

Third floor: Kylie, Sugababes and Baccara, Betty Boo, Girls Aloud and Tori. Going up!

Apparently Rachel Stevens is stopping traffic, with people breaking when they see her new poster. That is because she looks like a back end of a bus.

Fourth floor: J from 5ive, Lee from Steps, the pretty one from Phixx – most certainly going down!

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