Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Newshound

Currently clustering together with some warm Vimto and a notepad are the Anglican church, debating their future and the effect of enabling gay members to lead parishes. As expected, the more conservative members of the flock say this is wrong and against the scriptures, while the liberal side say what the heck, they’ve been doing it for years anyway and they may change the curtains in the vicarage at last as those ones at the moment are shocking and have you seen their wallpaper in the hall, or something of that ilk at least. Either way, this argument has been brewing for quite some time, and it threatens a schism of the like not seen since the Anglican church was born in the first place, as it’s quite clear that the policy of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell it from the mountains’ just isn’t working any more.

As I’m sure you expected, I’ve come across a couple of mary clergy upon my travels; it seems to attract the Men With Nice Nails almost as much as the vocations ‘personal shopper’ or ‘childrens TV presenter’. One I met was training to become part of the Vatican, a drastic life change that had already turned him celibate due to his ideals. When I asked why he was doing all this, leaving the country and all, he tapped my arm and said “It’s all about the frocks, love.”

Frankly, I think it’s all about belief anyway. If they can do the job well with enthusiasm and conviction, surely this makes anyone ideal for the position? Well, this is why the Men in Big Hats are banding together to argue about something that has been rife for years, and thus we reach a turning point in the history of the church. Will marys get accepted for the first time, or will the Anglican church get split into opposing factions? Whatever the outcome of this debate, it won’t give as much entertainment and pleasure as the headline it spawned when the subject was first broached a couple of years back:

‘GAY SEX CAUSES FRICTION IN CHURCH’

Finally, technology has enabled for the recreation of a ‘virtual Sanatra’, a 30ft projected version of the singer to be used with a live orchestra to give the illusion of the singer performing live for you. I can honestly tell you I was far more excited due to me misreading it as a 30ft ‘virtual Sinita’ to perform.

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