Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Get Away From Her, You Fat Bitch!

The oddest day.

It all started when I couldn’t find my pen - you know, the one that contains Jenny Powel's blood. The thing was we’ve got three burly men in trying to turn the air conditioning from Arctic to Prussian, so there are currently panels hanging off the ceiling and there are pipes and tubes everywhere, so the whole room is looking like the base in Aliens. I have a feeling the pen has slipped into one of the air vents, so I cajoled a young girl off the street to come in and run around yelling 'Riiipley!' and have a jolly old look for it.

Oh, and more news when I find the other colonists too.

Were you aware that there’s a deep fat fryer in Aliens? This bit is utterly true: during the part where they first find something on the motion detector, Ripley knocks something off the desk, making everyone jump. Look to the left of the pipe she hits, and there it is. Russell Hobb’s finest. When the colonists are repairing to their last stand, someone’s screaming ‘The deep fat fryer! Get the fryer! I can’t live without donuts!’ while a cry comes from the back, ‘I’ve got the SodaStream!’

After several brave days, were the colonists of LV-Four-Twenty-Six over-run by the aliens, or did they simply allow themselves to be captured when their Breville sandwich toaster stopped working? Enquiring minds need to know...

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