Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, December 11, 2003


Damn you, 50 Cents, I didn't sleep at all last night.

Normally the more... 'urban' nonsense that populates the music channels goes straight over my head as I dodge between that and the umpteenth Christina video. But some twee babble by the aforementioned cretin was lodged in my brain for all the lovely hours when I should be dreaming about members of Phixx. I can't tell you which one it was because it has been called to my attention that he talks through every single track, they all sound the same, and there's not a tune in there at all. All I could say is it's fairly recent and it has steel drums in it. Pfft.

Talking on records should be confined to poor charity records where the c-list celeb denizens of light entertainment hide their lack of talent by talking and/or vocoding their way to the chorus. Or, equally, should appear in the middle eight or sexy coda to the song a la Girls Aloud. Bonus points are indeed available for mentioning the dirty sheep you do not need.

But for someone to chunter through an entire record in little more than a speaking voice - and still to remain incomprehensible - is an unforgivable crime that's filed right next to Brian Adams. Mr Cents - if that's even your real name - how did you even get a record contract? So you've been shot in the face. Boo-frickety-hoo. One more sleepless night interfered with by your rumbling bleeting and I'm coming to finish the job myself.

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