Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Bye Buy

It was all rather embarrassing, and I really should have paid more attention, I suppose.

Like the time when I bumped into my former landlord in a local shopping centre. We never saw eye to eye really – he and his wife were fundamental Catholics, so they kept going in and spraying my sheets with holy water during the day. Still, being polite, I chatted to him and asked after her while actually being more interested in my dog currently outside which was about to start mating with a Labrador-shaped charity box. So it was with one ear that I heard him say, “Oh, Marion is fine. Just lost her mother, though.”

I wasn’t even looking at him when I absent-mindedly said “Have you looked down the back of the sofa?”

Oh lord.

But anyway, this morning’s embarrassment was caused by being all part of my health kick. Since being kicked out of my usual gym while they redecorate, I’ve passed two months without ne’er a press-up nor a curl. To compensate, it’s been apples and bananas, fruit and veg all the way, usually purchased at the Tesco Metro on my way into work. My favourite till is staffed by a larger black lady, A-line from the neck down. Looks like the checkout was built around her, not the other way around. We’re on smiling terms with each other.

First thing of a morning is never very good for me, either. And to be frank, the supermarket itself isn’t that super; their sandwiches aren’t delivered until after the morning rush, and for some reason they tend to frown when you’re buying your morning vodka and a pack of straws. Still, they are delightfully stocked in the fruit department, and even carry the ‘Cox’ apple brand, of which I’d completely forgotten about this morning. Which was really the crux of the matter.

So I placed my Granny Smith and two bananas on the checkout, and waited patiently at the other side to pay, humming a commercial to myself. What completely threw me was when said checkout operator started to speak as I wasn’t expecting us to be on talking terms for at least another six months. In retrospect, she was obviously talking about the apple, but my brain was busily elsewhere.

So, what I heard:

“Is this Cox?”

So, what I replied:

“No, dear. They’re bananas.”

Oh lord once again.

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