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Wednesday, April 28, 2004

Fascinating Facts! James Bond

Things We Found Out Using The Web In Under An Hour

Easy fact first - James Bond got his name while author Ian Fleming was looking around his study for inspiration. His eyes settled on his copy of The Birds of the West Indies, written by one James Bond and the super spy was born. In return for naming a spy, James Bond named a couple of rare Jamaican birds after Fleming. One presumes 'Rusty Lee Fleming' and 'Halle Berry Fleming'.

You can’t die from skin suffocation if you’re covered in gold paint. What actually happens is there’s no release for body heat so your enzymes start to denature - a very horrid death. One wonders about the family funeral - did they ask for an open coffin? Or was she just driven to the Oscars and left standing against a wall?

No matter how many women handle his weapon, no man knows Bond’s tools like Q. Major Boothroyd is Q’s real name, so called after the army major who advised Ian Fleming on what weapons to use in the books. The name Q comes from Quartermaster, the name given to an expert on army weapons - just like Gertie ‘Bushwank’ Goss, one would assume.

Q has been responsible for some pretty silly flights of fancy within the Bond films, including an electric shaver that doubled as an electronic bug detector, infra-red camera with built-in Geiger counter, and an invisible car. But the biggest suspension of belief came when they cast Denise ‘Head and Shoulders’ Richardson as a Nuclear physicist. Nothing says ‘believable scientist’ like those cut off shorts and a boob top, honey!

I bet she also said ‘nuculear’

Are you shaken or stirred? Shaken is the correct way to make a martini as shaking makes the drink colder in less time. It also puts more air into the mixture making the flavour stronger. In the twenty films, Bond orders a total of 18 martinis - five of them himself, and two of those he never receives. And Sean Connery only says the line ‘dry martini - shaken, not stirred’ once.

Time for some gay maths! James Bond has made love 79 times in twenty films, meaning an average of 3.95 times a film. British men can last an average 15 minutes before orgasm, leading to an extension of just under an hour’s running time to any Bond film if the sex scenes were shown in full. Only 16 ‘Oh! James!’ exclamations have been heard on screen, meaning that 63 of those 79 times he wasn’t really trying, bless.

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