Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, May 17, 2004

Most Definitely Aloud

Ah! Like the sirens of old calling Ulysses, your beloved ruler had an email from Girls Aloud this week. It appears that someone in London has carelessly left their recording studio unlocked for the weekend, as the quintet is on the brink of releasing another song. Bliss! Adulate! Jubilation! Here, my four lasses (and a fifth one who looks like she won a contest in the Liverpool Echo to be a member of a band for a day) are now poised to fill our ears like an overly-familiar friend in the cinema.

Yes, there is a story attached there, and no, you are certainly not hearing it.

I am celebrating, for the charts have been empty without the Girls, the music channels on our Skybox oddly vapid. One must instantly start camping outside HMV to secure fantastic first-day sales for them! Oh, the joy of seeing them on Saturday morning TV once more! And they can come back to perform Wembley, when they finally build the new stadium - to which there are pythonic problems, as I'm sure you're aware. It is a fact that the location of Salisbury Cathedral was decided on by releasing a white hart, and wherever it was felled by a hunter, that's where they would build the religious basilica. They're trying the same with the site of the new Wembley, but the only celebrity they can really spare for the event is TV portly chanteuse Michelle McManus. And as she dwells somewhere near Bermondsey, we do reckon she will get as far as hoofing it down as far as the corner shop before getting speared, so for future reference, all major performances will now be accessible via London Bridge.

Right. Now. Where was I?

Ah, yes. My beloved girls. Please, all of you, be dears and support their next release with all your gusto and charm. For too long there has been a glass ceiling for female pop artists. At least if Girls Aloud get their next single to Number One the ceiling is more likely to be mirrored.

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