Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

My Favourite Untrue Story About Me

Being so rich, beautiful and popular makes one rife for gossip. But as I'm very rarely any of these, I do so enjoy it when the odd story of my actions gets relayed to me by one of my many spies. Usually in a pub. And usually with the more salacious angle heightened to a point where I get a text from Cynthia Payne asking me to back off her turf.

Now. No smoke without fire, I say, but lately I heard this most wonderful ditty about yours truly that has absolutely no basis - but! It's such a brilliant tale, I frankly wish it was. It concerns one of my lovely ex's who shall remain nameless for the moment. Now, the true part of the story concerns the fact that, while we were going out for around two years, only one year of that was spent being faithful. During the subsequent year, monogamy was something our coffee table was made out of.

Seemingly, I would alleviate my guilty conscience by showering him with presents. For each discretion, I would bring him a CD he'd wanted. A piece of software for his course. Take him out for a meal. And this ostensibly continued for some time. But time wears on, and guilt is something that can be eroded...

Apparently, on my final visit to him, I took fourteen pencil sharpeners and a penny I'd found on my way there.

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