Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Love the Lalla

One person whom I haven't yet had the pleasure of striking up a conversation with is dear Lalla Ward.

Of course, there's a great deal of famous people I'd like to have the pleasure of (lie down Ben Browder, et al) but I've decided that Lalla Ward, former Doctor Who companion, would be ideal to have as a famous friend. She redefines 'icy'. One of my friends accidentally spoke to her on the telephone one day and came up with this golden description of her antics: "I've just spoken to Lalla Ward on the phone. She says 'hello' like most people say 'cunt'."

Hence Gertie and my splendid series of retorts, all of them you can say in public: 'Lalla Ward is holding on line one for you', 'There's a greetings card here. Oh, it's from Lalla', and 'Fax here for you - it's Lalla!'.

My decision to try and wheedle my way into one of her dinner parties came about from listening to the commentary track to Doctor Who and The Leisure Hive. She mercilessly digs at her former husband Tom Baker, and speaks of the great joy of getting to dump the rather heavy K9 in his lap.

On the opposite side, the splendid MissMish had met her former husband Tom Baker in a tale too bawdy for me to do justice. I do hope she posts it to her blog one day; let it be officially known that I am also deeply in love with Mish, a lady who brings a rare glamour to the hypercyberinterweb. One feels she's always typing with the most magnificently large hat on, and her computer's firewall lowers like a theatre's safety curtain whenever she logs on.

Anyway, final proof of Lalla's brilliance. Her character on screen is going on about tachyonics and sumsuch. The director, who's commentating with her, gushes "Oh Lalla, you really sound like you know what you're on about there!"

"Of course I bloody do," she says.

(fanboy splurge)


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