Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, June 04, 2004

Parts on Show

So far, Dolly and I had spent over an hour and a bottle of wine attempting to decipher the lyrics to Girls Aloud's 'The Show'. Dear Dolly is a partner-in-crime of mine in many fabulous activities and, like myself, initially passed off his mighty love for the Aloud as highly ironic. Mine is slightly less believable due to my track record, and the Spice Girls figures lined up in my bathroom - though I do claim they're for target practice.

So far, we'd rattled through and reached the line 'Nobody sees the show until my heart says so'. It was causing the greatest of trouble, being the crux of the song and all.

I sipped my wine and looked around for inspiration. Then a gasp from Dolly; if he was still a smoker, this would have been the point when he'd leaned back in his chair and had a jolly good poof on his pipe. Which, incidentally, was exactly what happened to him last weekend - abet 'poof' in this case being a shirt-lifting male homosexual and 'pipe' being the male organ for procreation, and he was proudly sporting the love-bites to prove it. Candidly, it was slightly off-putting chatting so amiably to someone who looked like he should be working as a cashier somewhere, and I found my eyes oft-drawn to his gruesome Tesco Slag-Tags.

"I think, in this instance, 'The Show'," he curled his fingers in air quotes around the name, "Is referring to 'my fanny'." More curling.

He waited until it had sunk in, and sung - loudly - "Nobody sees my fanny until my heart says so." He asked me what I thought.

"Well, it doesn't rhyme, for one," I said. Besides, if ever there was a girl group coarse enough to call a single 'My Fanny', Girls Aloud are definitely it.

I happened to be on the phone later that evening to the dear Wife and mentioned what we'd been up to. There was a puzzled pause from his good self, and then a slightly worried reply:

"I have this feeling that you're no longer doing this ironically," he said.

Ooops. Rumbled.

No comments: