Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Train Wreck

I am astonished for two reasons. The first bewilderment is that one of you grubby patrons landed on my fabulous doorstep by putting this in Google:

'Just let me fuck Jenny Agutter'

What a desperate plea! Clearly, this is someone who's had a deep-seated desire to do Mz Agutter since that fabulous split-leg ensemble in Logan's Run. And I agree - it was a glorious outfit, rivalling that low-cut snood that Dame Minogue was wearing in I Can't Get You Out Of My Head. And that was so low-cut that - if you turn the volume up on the video - you can hear three monks in the background praying so as she doesn't fall out.

But the second confusion comes from who on God's would want to diddle dear Jenny? Bless, she's a very handsome lady and no mistake, and I'm sure she goes like the train she was waving her knickers at in The Railway Children. But - no. Just no. It's wrong. It's like thinking about stolid BBC newsreader Moira Stewart in any sort of sexual passion.

Oh! And think about the two of them together! That has to be a double negative! Greased and fighting - Moira trying to read the news, and Jenny's desperately fighting her down so she can do her monologue from the end of Spooks, Season One. And they'd be slipping and sliding everywhere and everything!



Hmm. Someone better call the Gay Police. I think I just had a heterosexual moment...

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