Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

The Glitter For Brains TeleMarathon: 24!

Warning: Contains Spoilers!
Over the last couple of weeks, Glitter for Brains has been plugging away at the TV, watching all the nonsense so you don't have to! How generous! Well, here's the first of a triumvirate of assessments for what we have been watching with today being the turn of 24!

THIS SEASON IN 25 WORDS OR LESS
Fast forward through really boring Mexicans to Nina; the whole thing then becomes spectacle over substance from then on! Loved the jets! Not enough Kim.

MOST POINTLESS DEATH
Well, we all thought it was going to be the dear moon-faced Michelle, didn't we? As soon as she turned up in CTU in her 'going away' outfit - a nice new leather jacket - you knew she was doomed. Oh, and saying, "I just wish today would end". We all know this is a signal to the Drama Gods to strike you down, don'tya know? But lo, she survived! Hurrah! So, who gets the vote?

Why, it's Sheri Palmer. (gasp!).

Yes, it appears that the architect of destruction didn't see those bullets coming in a cliffhanger that's all about, er, needing a cliffhanger, and most certainly not about correct character motivation.

DOES IT CONTAIN A MACHIAVELLIAN BITCH
Sob. Sheri Palmer, 1961-2004.
She managed to hold the president to ransom while lying on her sun-lounger with a glass of wine in her hand. At barely gone midday, the lush!

FUNNIEST MOMENT
Oh, too many to mention! Glitter for Brains' personal highlight of the season is when they're looking for a CTU agent to double for the Bad Guy's daughter. All of the top agents are too far away. "Who's second choice?" asked Tony Almeda (a man with an alarming metabolism - he actually manages to get fatter over a 24 hour period). The camera wobbles and zooms in on the daffy, accident-prone Kim. Hurrah! We know that it's all going to go wrong from here on in!

MISSED OPPORTUNITY
Oh Kim. Dear, sweet Kim 'stick me in a forest and I'll get my leg in a cougar trap, end up in a gas store heist and then in the cabin of a nuclear nut with a gun' Bauer. She had bugger all to do this season, bar getting this close (not to scale) to being called incompetent at her job. Oh, and wearing a wig that actually looked better than her new mop of a haircut.

DOES IT CONTAIN SPACE NAZIS?
Er, no.

SUM IT ALL UP IN A FABULOUS LETTER
'Dear Sheri.

You didn?t even get to cackle manically before you were shot. But you are still one step up from Lady Macbeth who dies offstage.

We will always love you, and miss that you never got to work with pissy Nina, for all the gays in the audience would have simply orgasmed themselves to death.

Love, The Gays.'
xx

FINALLY...
Big and silly, after a dull start, 24 Season Three justifies the hours we put into watching it with some ludicrous plot twists and some outrageous situations. Don't watch this for Kiefer 'I'm Breathless' Sutherland and his one-trick acting technique, watch it for the supporting characters who are way more interesting. And fabulous. And all dead now, worryingly. What of Season Four? Who can we sashay around pretending to be when we try on mink coats in Camden Market? Overall, a good effort. But what is it that every one of Kim's boyfriends loses a limb of late?

Tomorrow: tune in for Alias Season Three!

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