Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Hate the Voice, Lose the Chin and the Attitude

Being A Gay automatically means I like Will Young, apparently. This is the well-thought-out opinion of those elderly female soothsayers in that cluster around in our office kitchenette, sipping tea and sighing 'Oh, it's such a shame' about him, myself - and even Michael Barrymore, oddly. Nothing will shift them from their perches, you know. Bug bombs, roach traps... you can just about tempt them out to their desks with a copy of Heat Magazine, but then it's back to putting the world to rights via leaning on the draining board all day.

And for some reason, they think that because we're both Good With Colours, we'd be ideal for each other. And that we know each other from the Secret Lodge that all gay men go to on a Sunday, or something. Well, I've never been, but I hear it's decorated fabulously.

Well, I like to get this out in the open now: I can't stand Will Young. He ranks up there just under mushrooms and ITV1 'dramas'. I met him once, and his attitude can only be described as 'mimsy'. And the Wife fancies him too, and that makes him fair game for assassination in my book (Alistair Appleton, you may want to start putting your affairs in order). Even his music galls me: I did purchase 'Your Game' from the hypercyberinterweb as I missed the glory days of Moulin Rouge, and rather fancied something showy. After listening to it several times, I discovered I liked the orchestration and all - indeed, everything bar Young's voice. It is reminiscent of the time I caught an angry wasp in a coffee can. Go on, have a listen. Particularly on this track - it buzzes weakly like your lesbian housemate's bedroom when she thinks everyone else is out.

So, in short, it's not a shame. You're more than welcome to him, soothsayers. Oh, I'd much rather date a mushroom that's been in an ITV1 drama than touch him.

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