Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Glitter For Brains At The Movies: Riddick!

Of course the Chronicles of Riddick are going to be a load of old cock - but aren't the toys just marvellous? But one huge, huge complaint - why oh why oh why did they not see fit to include the Dame Judi Dench action figure? Huh? Gays across the land are up in arms! Look! Arms! Everywhere! It's like someone asked us who'd like to see Alistair Appleton naked!

And no-one has any idea why she's in this silly sci-fi blockbuster. I'd like to think that Dame Jay only does these things because she likes the peace of hanging around movie sets, painting and doing crosswords. I picture her in her gauzey blanket of a costume, perched on the edge of the set with a glass of Pinot Grigio, furiously dabbing away at her latest masterpiece, which just happens to be an oil painting of Vin Diesel's arse, or something.

For one, she admitted she didn't have a clue what was going on in this. One of my friends was on set, and she just did a powerful speech about something integral to the plot. Let's just call it 'The Espadrille' shall we? I can't remember the name, and that sounds oddly apt. So, there she was, singing the virtues of The Espadrille with great passion and gravitas. The director yells 'Cut!' and they move on to the next scene. "Everybody, we're moving over to the Espadrille set!"

Dame Judi was puzzled. "The what?"

"The big spaceship set next door."

"Ohhhh," she says in quiet revelation. "That makes so much more sense now..."

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