Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, September 06, 2004


For reasons to hilarious to go into here, darling Jay and I have decided to share a house. And so we spent all of Saturday morning trolling around several warehouse-y areas looking for a conversion that would be delightfully similar to Jennifer Beals' expansive pad in Flashdance. While this did mean going around several useless property agents and describing what we'd like, the bonus was that we would often have to do the dance moves to 'Maniac' in the middle of the office to illustrate our point.

And we do advise getting covered in a bucket of water in this sudden heatwave, although we did fuse five computers along the way. For which we unreservedly apologise to several of you estate agents.

After several hours, we still hadn't found the right place, but we had managed to meet the gorgeous Giles, a hunky blonde boy in charge of some places in London Bridge. He was a complete sweetie, and frankly, either of us would have taken anything from him, property or no. Perhaps this is how there are so many homeless people in London - we'd have taken a box under Euston Station if he'd promised to show us around it in shorts.

Anyway. Jay is a sheer marvel when it comes to organising, and proclaimed that he was going to sit down with all his little bits of paper we'd accumulated and do a spreadsheet of every house and who's dealing with what. I said this was a marvellous idea and that I would help with in earnest, and announced I would be putting Giles' number on a Post-It Note. And then drawing a heart around it. Possibly a smiley face too.

Of course, there was a slight ulterior motive to all of this. All this campery was to provoke Them On High, and I duly received a note in my mail this very morning:

'Dear Mr Binding,

'We fabulous people at the Gay Council have discovered you have been practicing your gayness without a correct licence. As this is a grave offence, you are requested to attend a formal hearing on Wednesday. As this is a formal session, you are only allowed to wear court shoes.

'With love,
'The Gays, xx'

Excellent. Everything is on course.

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