Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

More Utter Tat I Have Found While Packing

Exhibit B: The Lament Configuration Puzzle Box

A joy of pure loveliness!My, what have we here! Why, it's a replica of that dastardly Puzzle Box from the Hellraiser films! For those of you a little unsure, it turns out that this is the very Gateway to Hell itself, and not dear Vanessa Feltz's undercrackers after all. Phew!*

Lovingly mass-produced in plastic, no self-disrespecting goth should be without this flimsy box! Just think, with a little imagination, you could slide back the top and find the ultimate in pain! Or, alternatively, a couple of pencil sharpeners, some plastic jewellery and a badge saying 'Bumsex - 50p'. Larks!

Lets hope that the actual Gateway to Hell is a little sturdier than this highly-generic copy - as it would be a lot simpler to quell Pinhead and his devilish army of Cenobites if darling Kirsty simply sat on the thing by accident, popping the sides out and shooting a purple bangle right into some Will & Grace DVDs. Just as I did when trying to find a space for it in a crate! If anything, it would have given a much needed comic moment during the film, ideally lightening the moment where her Uncle Frank is torn to shreds by fish-hooks during the climax, and turning it into a Terry-and-June-style farce! Oh, the hilarity!


* So, it transpires those stains aren't the slaverings of demonic Hell Dogs, but where Vanessa failed to 'dab the lettuce' properly on her last trip to the loo.

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