Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

The Moving Moment

Apparently, moving house is up there in the Most Traumatic Experiences, right next to giving birth and death. Presumably 'fat girls in ponchos' came in fourth, but I don't make all the rules, clearly. Well, a move for me may very well be on the cards for your fabulous Ruler, although there are no real details as yet, other than it looks like I may hilariously have the word 'cottage' in the address.

Goodness, there's an awful lot of nonsense in my current place.

This fact painfully came to light last night when I was estimating how many burly men I would be needing - plus the two to do the actual moving, I yielded. Piles and piles of things I never knew I had! Damn that eBay. For one, it turns out that I'd been using the lost Ark of the Covenant as a washing basket - which go some way to explain why one of the former housemates disappeared after one day offering to do my washing - though it does get whites whiter than white. Almost pure, you may say. You know up until that point, I thought I'd been allergic to the washing powder, what with the pain and the smoke every time I'd put on a jumper, but it just turned out that the cloth couldn't stand my unholy, sinning skin. Larks!

It was just after I'd found one of Cher's spare heads did I find the bottle. Hmm, I do hope that the sixties songstrell hasn't been listening in to any, uh, 'night-time shenanigans', though I believe she hasn't been fitted Bluetooth yet. Anyway, the bottle had rolled under the wardrobe and was labelled 'Rachel Stevens' Talent', on which the post-mark was dated two months back, in the gap between 'Some Girls' and 'More More More'. I don't think I need to labour that point, do I? You're a clever bunch.

I also found an awful lot of t-shirts from ex's. I have no idea why just t-shirts, or indeed why there was so many. Although a dust-covered book going by the name 'NO! - The Word, Its Meaning And Usage In Modern Conversation' next to it may have been a clue to the latter half of that question.

I still can't understand anything that book has to say, you know. Three pages in, I can remember why I threw it across the room in the first place.

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