Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Black Cap On Fire!

I just happened to be in a gay bar last night when a fire broke out. Nothing serious, bit of smoke and a lot of squealing from the Men Who Are Good With Colours as the realised that they were wearing synthetic fabrics and far too much hair product, and the whole place could go up in a series of mini-incendiary explosions if they went near any flame.

There was a disgruntled air as we all slowly filed out, swiftly passing when we heard the distant wail of sirens. Firemen! Several of the boys nabbed pocket mirrors from the ladies to check their hair. Several girls grabbed them back to check theirs, as it was the closest they were going to get to a straight man all evening and they weren't missing the chance.

We're not sure whether it was forethought on behalf of the emergency services, but they must have a special squadron that attends all gay bars and offices full of desperate women. Because all the firemen who arrived moments later frankly looked like they'd just fell off the bells at Notre Dame. And thus had no problems getting through a bunch of marys with grasping hands.

We watched the spectacle for a couple of moments before getting cold and bored. I was idly toying with the lighter in my pocket. In theory, if the Ugly Squad were now busy, we'd get the real stuff if the McDonalds down the road 'suddenly' sparked into flame...

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