Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, November 15, 2004

The Queen is In

You know, I never guessed how close Windsor Castle is to Burger King. It's right over the road! The Queen could shout her order out the window if she wanted, and I bet she orders the Whopper Royale for a laugh.

It's me, dearies. I own you all!Anyway Windsor Castle, for those unenlightened of you (i.e. the more rabid American readers) is a splendid stone castle the Wife and I visited this weekend, which happens to be the preferred home of our lovely old Queen Liz. She is a marvellous woman whose sole job is to open things, nod interestingly at people, and wear lots of bright, synthetic fabrics. She also appears to have inherited the family trait of being obsessed with crockery, as there are rooms and rooms of plates and bowls and cups as you take the royal tour, although this may be simply because you're lead through the crockery section because the golf club section leads right up to her back door or something.

In fact, she was home this weekend so we could have just gone and asked her. Yes, dear Americans, we're all related to the Queen over here in dear old Blighty, so she doesn't mind us popping in and asking for a cup of knighthood, thus I spent a good portion of the time trolling around the Great Halls, Not So Great Halls and china cupboards, peering around corners in the hope of catching her with a ciggie on, bitching away with the servants. It's also alarmingly easy to picture her running across the minstrel's balcony near closing time, wrapped in a towel, and clutching a bottle of Radox.

The Wife, whereas, was convinced that Her Madge gets around using a series of secret tunnels that actually go under the town of Windsor, enabling her Fabness to do her Christmas shopping in peace. On closer examination, there did appear to be a rather mysterious door at the back of Laura Ashley, and we're sure we saw a tiara bobbin up and down in the changing room at Fenwicks.

Anyway. Crockery. Makes you wonder what she eats off, given the rooms and rooms of choice. Or does she just find it easier to nip down the souvenir shop and nick a couple with her face on, leaving 'MINE' spelled out in Alphabetti Spaghetti for the servants to clear away? And do you think it's true that the only reason we had an empire is that one previous monarch rumbled 'Get me china!' and someone went out and conquered the country?

Enquiring minds need to know.

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