Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

And Now, The News

I have to say that our news coverage over in this country is sublime. We have the austere BBC, with their serious nice-trouser-suit-and-a-subtle-bangle presenters, ready to tell you the world is ending in a quiet yet authoritarian way that makes you nod along with a 'Ye-es... that's nice'. Very safe and very even-handed. And they're always ready with an almost robotic wry smile for the hilarious 'And finally...' feature.

This is, of course, except this man. His name is Darren Jordon, and he seems to prefer to try and hypnotise you the news. One may assume that he's just reading the auto-cue intently, refusing to blink until he gets to the end. Or he's trying to swell the masses of his zombie army to cause an uprising he can then exclusively report about. You can decide, but I for one spend most of his broadcasts yelling 'Blink, goddamn you! BLINK!'

Anyway, I digress. By far the best news is via the wonderful Channel 4, hosted by frosty-haired rottweiler John Snow. He's grand for many reasons, one being that he often obviously takes 'long lunches' before the show, seemingly turning up a couple of bottles worse for wear yet still can tear strips out of American politicians who pop on thinking it's going to be an easy gig.

He's also the only man I know who can pronounce the 't' in 'tsunami' without it sounding like a separate syllable.

Go on, try it. It's impossible. Tsunami.


Ha! 'Sue Narmi'. That can be my new drag name.

And, yes. I'm just off to donate another tenner to the relief fund for my use of that joke.

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