Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Colours! And Possibly Shapes.

So, the big question is what do you actually get the Ruler Of The Known Universe for Christmas? Bubble bath it seems, trumpeting my fast-encroaching thirtieth birthday with a charming, soothing, lavender air. Now it has to be said that the dear Wife did exceptionally well in the gift stakes and, due to a series of bank hold-ups, bribes and the hilarious threatened sacrifice of a former Blue Peter presenter, managed to get tickets to the upcoming Acorn Antiques musical! And as we all know, such things are rarer than heterosexual Butlin's redcoats!

Lo! By far the gayest of the gay presents was from the Wife's housemate, a swarthy fellow of infinite charm, who is taking me for - get this - taking me to get my colours done! How utterly marvellous! No self respecting Gentleman With Too Many Show Tunes on His Walkman should be without it: a professional 'colour expert' will sit you in a room and take you through all the myriad of shades and hues you are allowed to wear to compliment your skin tone and hair, leaving you with a closet you'd be proud to get back into! And if that isn't a joy in itself, the process itself is so camp you're almost guaranteed to start sweating glitter. Basically, you're led into a sunlit room, dressed in a white smock, and then different coloured scarves are loving draped over you, while your colour expert just tells you how fabulous you look! Oh, hosanna!

I have a feeling that this meeting is going to be so camp, her office is going to look like ground zero after the Gay-Bomb has gone off...

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