Friday, February 04, 2005
Because Some Fool, Somewhere, Asked.
Q. What is your name?
A. Lee, aka Lady Minky Hooters, last bonne vivant of London high.
Q. What are you listening to right now?
A. In my head: 'The love (the love, the love I lost) was the sweetest (was the sweetest)'
Elsewhere: the chunter of a productive office.
Q. What was the last thing you ate?
A. A bandana.
(blinks - checks label)
Q. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Q. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon?
A. Mars. Because by the time I go on a honeymoon, space flights will be ten a penny.
Q. How is the weather right now?
A. Moist, and yet warm.
No, wait. That's me.
Q. Last person you talked to on the phone?
A. My wife, Jef. He apologised that he couldn't come over tonight to help me finish off the Jamaican Jerk, but he was working.
Q. Have you ever been toilet papered?
A. No. Unless you count being dressed as a mummy from Pyramids of Mars once.
Q. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
A. The coat. Je suis un great big wendy.
Q. How many times did you take your driver's test?
A. Twice. The first instructor didn't get it when I said I'd do anything to pass.
Q. How are you today?
A. Bit of a headache from touching up former pop-star Billie Piper too much. Legs ache from dancing riotously on Saturday. Moist, and yet warm.
Q. Your favourite drink?
A. Dame Vera Smirnoff.
Q. Your favourite party time drink?
A. A cock-sucking cowboy. One of those and the clothes are everywhere.
Q. What do you do most often when you are bored?
A. Fire up the chainsaw!
Q. Favourite sport to watch?
A. Something with nice legs in it.
Q. Hair colour?
A. Oh, I've gone grey now. But once... once in 1947 - I was red... as red as a London bus...
Q. Eye colour?
Q. Best job you ever had?
A. The current one. I've spent all day touching up former pop-star Billie Piper.
Q. Do the dishes right away or leave them in the sink?
A. I get the char to do it. She doesn't speak a word... but can shoplift for England.
Q. Is there Extraterrestrial life?
A. Yes. And I have proof. Over there, in that bag.
Q. Summer, winter, spring or fall?
A. Autumn. Things drop more readily.
Q. Hugs or kisses?
A. Kisses. But without dinner and dancing!
Q. Coffee or tea?
A. Coffee. Black.
Q. If you sent this questionnaire out, who is least likely to respond?
A. God. He's never mailing me back these days...
Q. Who is most likely to respond?
A. The devil. He's just made of idle thumbs, so loves this sort of stuff.
Q. What are your favourite things to do outside ?
A. Come back in.
Q. Are you glad that you did this, now that you are done?
A. I feel purged. Look, there's sweat and blood all over the keyboard. Someone get me a cloth.
Q. Can you think of something you would rather be doing right now?
A. Going to Mars?