But, because I'm in a generous mood, here's something to keep the nay-sayers quiet.
The Week Oprah Came To Stay Pt 1
JAY: Well, all praise to me that we managed to tie up those guards while Cher distracted them by performing a medley of her more toe-tapping hits.
LEE: Oh yes. She can still belt out 'Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves' like a trooper.
JAY: You know many troopers that can belt out a Cher song? Do you? Hmm? Hmm?
LEE: Well, there was that nice officer I met in Habitat once. He has the most enor-
JAY: Now, be quiet. We don't want to know about your sordid past.
LEE: ...'Private Parts', we used to call him...
JAY: Tsk. And I personally thought that version of the song was somewhat distorted. Half the time, it sounded like she was singing 'Gypo Tampon Thieves'.
LEE: Well, she was just getting used to her wax mouth, I suppose... Anyway, who's in the kitchen?
JAY: Ah. It's one of my celebrity friends coming to visit. See, you're not the only one with a-list chums, my boy.
LEE: Is it Judith Hann? Oh tell me it's former Tomorrow's World presenter Judith Hann!
JAY: No, we've currently got - oh, get this - Oprah Winfrey rifling through our fridge! How marvellous!
JAY: Why 'oh'?
LEE: Is she having one of her fat days or thin days?
JAY: Fat. Why?
LEE: No! Get down!
JAY: Oh. Oh dear me. That's very unpleasant.
LEE: Sigh. I'll get the shovel.
JAY: You know, I'd just like one week where we don't kill a celebrity.
LEE: Go get your black balaclava.
JAY: Does it have to be black? I'm feeling that this season is all about navy...
There! You lot happy now?