Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Good Lord!

I know I shouldn't, but I do love surfing around right-wing Christian websites. It's my guilty pleasure. Within their hallowed walls, here you can find whole reams of disapproving nonsense about Hollywood alone - and their unintentionally hilarious reviews of films are a joy to behold. For not only do you get the hilarious scenes of a movie repeated verbatim, but then you get their bonkers comments on how this goes exactly against the scriptures, and thus will bring down the civilised world in one stroke. It's like Cardinal Wolsey finally got AOL broadband.

Take this charming movie, 2001's Wet Hot American Summer, which contains a whole series of crimes. For example:

Drink: People drink at a party at night. (NO!)
Blood/gore: Victor appears to have some blood on his face. (GASP!)
Imitative Behaviour: Gene has a tattoo on his arm. (IT'S THE DOWNFALL OF ALL THAT IS GOOD!)
Sex/Nudity: We see a woman in a bikini top. (RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THE FOUR HORSEMEN ARE ON THEIR WAY!)

And then it goes on about the gay sex scene between some boys, one of which being... hang on a minute... that's Bradley Cooper. Number one wank fantasy from Alias. But he's...

Up the poo tube, Brad!

Bradley Cooper naked. Getting bummed by some young lad.

Frankly, if this doesn't prove the existence of God, I don't know what does. I don't know whether to head to church or head to amazon.com.

Actually, first, I'm going to change my trousers. It's like Boscastle under my desk at the minute.
 

7 comments:

David said...

That's my Friday afternoon wanking under the table sorted.

Neil said...

Oi! That's my line, ya bugger!

But what do you see in Bradley Cooper? And knee-tremblers, you can keep 'em...

Broadband Ian said...

As the local Christian representative (well, I live vaguely close to a church), I feel I must protest at this latest insertion into your vast volume.

I will therefore tell all my Christian friends not to read your offending article, but to protest anyway to the people in charge of putting such purile filth where adults could find it. It worked a treat for getting us noticed over Jerry Springer, just when we were beginning to think everyone had forgotten us, just because our religion nailed someone to a tree rather than put a couple of planes through a building. Jesus, what does a group have to do to get noticed these days?

The Christian Church*. The Church that likes to say, "Burn burn burn you heathen scum".

Love to all.



* (Yes, okay, we've still not come up with a good answer to that "Why did God let the Tsunami happen" puzzler. So we continue to divert your attention by just getting generally outraged. Because that's the sort of thing that keeps us going. Now you'd better excuse me, as I'm off to insert a tube into an unthinking American victim of Fate.)

paddalumpakins said...

Brilliant! Another day just made better by Lee!

Eden said...

That's hawt. So the Xian right is partly responsible for the fact that I got to see hot boys scrogging today? Cool.

SL&V said...

The world gets smaller every day Lee, I've been round your house!
;)

quaisi said...

:)