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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

In A World Of Our Own

Now, it has to be said that we Gays aren't the most organised of people. Or the most attentive (I for one lost a whole week of February this year when someone accidentally left the shiny dismantled Christmas decorations too close to my desk). And we should never, ever take ourselves seriously.

Which is why I'm currently raising a wry eyebrow in the direction of the Gays of Gay Kingdom, an island off Australia which has declared itself independent of the mainland. This fledgling community apparently has everything - a ruler, a privy council (one assumes this means they're into cottaging, but I'm not sure) - everything bar a corner shop, a bar and a sense of humour.

And while I ache to live in a society where the only things we get on cable is Desperate Housewives, Alias and the shopping channel, I can't help thinking the whole thing would rather poorly run. Look, we're bad enough at trying to organise a Pride march without bitch-fighting about who gets to wear the glitter bolero jacket. And look at our voting techniques - one, we only turn out to vote at amateur strip nights. And two, we only vote for the pretty ones on Pop Idol, regardless of talent. So you can imagine what our ruler would be like.

Saying that, do check out the current Emperor of the Gay Kingdom, his serene majesty Dale. (cough) Yes. 'Dale', who is apparently related to Gay King Edward II of bonnie old England. Who took the role with this long and involving speech about how he shall do right by our people and vanquish the evils before us. This is interesting, because:

1. You just know just running through his mind was 'blah blah blah just get to the bit with the crown'
2. He's missing a trick by being called 'Emperor' and not 'Queen'
3. I don't want to be ruled by anyone called Dale. The very least he could do is rule by his drag name, eg 'Sue Narmi' or 'Stella Artois'

And could you imagine an island just populated by shrill boys in retail, media and theatre? That isn't Grand Canaria? No, we'd have to get some sensible lesbians in to help out with the proper stuff like plumbing and the police force. And let the island settle for a while, just get our dancing legs before causing waves with our neighbours.

So what was the first thing their Gay Council did? Announced it has declared war on Australia.

Thank goodness we're rubbish at organising things. Dear Australia, you really have nothing to worry about.


Rob said...

Hah! I love the idea of Grand Canaria. Much more opulent than Gran Can itself, and scripted by Russell T. Davies to boot! How could it possibly fail?

Strangely I'm off to Gran Can this year myself. I imagine it'll be fairly ghastly but that's never stopped me going places before.

Take Penge for example.

CyberPete said...

I think the evil emperor of some island in Leisure Suit Larry 2 (or 3) who kidnapped Patti was named Dale. When you think about it, I think he possibly looked just like him -YIKES!

SL&V said...

It's too early for April Fools jokes right?
This is for real?
I almost want to go there to watch the wreckage smouldering.

Yammer Rancour said...

This is not a joke... at least not to them.

Its been in the gay press over here (Sydney) and everyone has either laughed or wondered how exactly they can legally do this.

Its like these guys have watched too much Survivor and thought, "There's not enough gay sex! I think we should give it a go!"

Ah well.

Spike said...

The bastards! They nicked my idea!