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Monday, March 21, 2005

My Wife's Shaven Pussy

I find it endlessly hilarious that my lentil-loving, tree-hugging Wife has accidentally been paired up with the world's most satanic cat, a fat, hairy ball of malice called Blue. And that, conversely, my Evil Best Friend Declan happens to own the sweetest little moggie ever - one that just mews with a confused expression whenever Declan cries for it to 'lead my undead armies to victory!'

The Wife inherited his cat off of his friend Katherine a year or so back. She too had no idea why it was called Blue, as it had been passed around from person to person for the last couple of decade, kinda like a mysterious vase in a Twilight Zone episode. Perhaps it was short for Bluelzebub. Perhaps it was because it's eyes were blue - not that you could see underneath all that fur. For Blue is basically a hairy slug, a tube of fleece that shuffled across the floor only to pause and stare at you. And then stare at you some more until you walk at speed from the room, completely unnerved.

And it just does things seemingly just to upset you. It appears from thin air. It sleeps on it's back. On several occasions I've seen it try and use a hair dryer. Here is a picture of it, sleeping:

Evil

Why, it's like it's just inviting you to stab it though the heart with a stake.

But every now and again, when it's fur gets so long that it brings in half-a-pound of bracken from it's trips outside, it has to get shaved. And this weekend, some poor, unknowing girl thought it would be a real nice idea to do it in the style of a poodle. Here is the results.

Evil, but shaved

As you can see, it is not happy.

We're predicting a death in the vets very soon.
 

3 comments:

Rob said...

Ah... there are few sights more entertaining than a cat whose poise and dignity has been completely undermined.

They just look so pissy. (Especially if its your fault they rolled off the sofa with a surprised squawk in the first place.)

Ashar Edith said...

OMG You made me =0)

Rob said...

Maybe he's a Blue Point Birman (hence his name)?

http://www.birmancatuk.co.uk/