Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Change Of Position

Ah, t'is a sad day here at Glitter for Brains as we have to say goodbye to our lovely assistant Stacey, who's leaving us after five solid years of work.

Those of you who've visited us here in Glittering Passage will probably remember Stacey as being the person you confused with a vending machine. A husky lass, we decided to give her an interview straight after she'd come out of St Crudiete's convent school as we initially felt sorry for a former nun who had a bosom you could almost toboggan down. We also wanted to uncover why a woman who'd been living in God's house for the past twenty years was so huge she looked like a wardrobe with two spades leaning up each side. While I am aware God moves in mysterious ways, I doubt even He would see fit to grant his close followers with a Cake Bush.

But it was her fighting style that also impressed us the most, and she finally landed the job thanks to a quick rabbit punch in my back on the way out the door. And for a woman with her own weather system, she proved to be remarkably good at dancing - as we saw in the company pantomime not three months later. This was despite being in high-heels - meaning one memorable pirouette managed to strike oil during the final number.

Her quick wit, and her ability to get things done in an expedient and threatening manner made her utterly perfect for overseeing some of Glitter for Brains' more complicated schemes. Like the week when we were stalking Ryan Reynolds; it was she who organised the bins we hid behind. And our ill-fated pop career. And the time we thought it would be a good idea to teach the internet to speak... She was invaluable, and proved that beneath that 50-inch chest beats a heart of gold. And it seems fitting that we should have to say goodbye to Stacey due to her imminent marriage to an obviously very brave man. We wish both of them luck for the future.

Taking her place will be the office cleaner - obviously not the first choice, but Char has proved herself to be just as good in a corner. And we approve of how much she can shoplift - the woman's like an octopus in Oddbins, I tell you. So we're sure you'll be just as kind welcoming her to the team.

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