Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, April 11, 2005

The Days We Went To... Part I

The Wife was still none-the-wiser when we got into the airport, having asked not to be told where we were going. He said he likes surprises, though I can think of three separate incidents where he's circled around a large cake like a wounded animal for fear a woman jumped out at him. But for this morning, I'd just told him to bring a passport and be at the airport for a nice trip away.

I watched his face with great interest when we went to check in. "We're flying? To Blackpool?" he asked, hoping I wouldn't notice as he quietly stuffing his exchanged Euros back into his wallet. "You can do that?"

"Apparently," I said. "Though we have to fly back on Saturday. I think they use the runway for car boot sales on a Sunday."

For those overseas, Blackpool was once Britain's favourite holiday destination before we all discovered you didn't have to be a masochist with the freezing weather and that you could go to Greece and still get chips. Now it has fallen into slight maudlin disrepair and is only really used for gaggles of Scottish girls coming down for hen nights. I thought the Wife would appreciate the faded glamour, particularly as he'd been playing a lot of Liza Minelli lately.

And it was all because Ryanair were offering 99p flights; yes for the price of a watery ice-cream with a flake in it, you can fly to the north's very own Las Vegas to get your fill of Kiss Me Quick hats and candy floss. Brilliant. But, lets face it, for 99p you're not going to get quality, thus underlined by the bored-looking Swedish woman who checked us in. In fact the minty 'Sven of Nine' was also cabin staff, and responsible for getting the steps up to the plane at the other end. We didn't like her: she never smiled and had fat ankles. Not that we have anything against fat ankles - it's just because she was a stewardess and thus prone to DVT, we didn't want her exploding as she begrudgingly bent down to get a Mars Bar from her trolley.

And she tried to sell us Ryanair scratchcards. How fabulously common!

We spent most of the 40-minute journey pondering about Blackpool Airport. Who even knew that Blackpool had an airport? We agreed it was probably just a stretch of gravel with six tea-lights down it. But nothing could prepare us for the reality - a shed with a rather hopeful sign on it reading 'International Airport' stencilled on the side. And Customs was a plastic sign saying 'This Way Out' on it.

Utterly, utterly brilliant.
 

13 comments:

Miss Mish said...

Blackpool?
*shudder*

Sparky said...

God, I love Blackpool! It's like a drunken old lady who won't admit she needs to stop flirting with teenage boys.

Miss Mish said...

Have you been following me Sparky?

c'lam said...

oh the glamour of it all.

cyberpete said...

I think I'll swing by for a laugh next time I go to London. 99p that's amazing!

Rob said...

I'm a little concerned by Ryanair now. (Upsettingly that's who I'm going to Oslo with.)

Snooze said...

What fun! Welcome back.

The guardian of the sakura said...

Hi,
Why didn't you came to Barcelona instead? I loved your blog! :)
Take care,
Fab guy from Barcelona

Owen Blacker said...

So is the Golden Mile still golden?

I've been to Blackpool only twice (which isn't much, given a great-aunt used to own one of the pubs on the aforementioned Mile). Curiously, we never flew.

Though we did get evacuated from a hotel at 11pm on New Year's Day, after some bloke torched his room by falling asleep with a fag in his hand. Not fun. Especially not for him, one would assume.

Owen Blacker said...

And are you really trying to tell us that the Saturday return had nothing to do with BBC1's evening schedule? ;o)

mainja said...

hey! john's mum is from blackpool. i'm sure she'd be quick to dis, er, i mean, agree with you...

and my mum had a habit of picking up cheap ryan air flights too...

cyberpete said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cyberpete said...

I flew Aarhus (Denmark) London with Ryan Air. They were pretty common yes but maybe we had an advanced flight because the male stewadesse was pretty cute. Haven't prayed so much for my life though.