Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Door Who-oers

Gertie managed to sneak us into the new Doctor Who exhibition on Brighton Pier using his usual manner of approaching authority with an um and ahh, mentioning The BBC, and working himself up into a meek frenzy of obsequiousness until the Jobsworth in question feels like he's the very saviour of Gertie's life. It's remarkably effective, and an artform to watch.

"Well done," I said as we sailed passed the Door Functionary some ten minutes later. The Functionary had a bedraggled expression, like he'd been almost licked to death.
"Thank you," replied Gertie. "I had to pretend that you were a five-year-old child though." He snorted. "Not that it'll be a problem for you," he added.
I stamped my feet and demanded an ice-cream.

The exhibition is a marvellous place, full of noise, wonder, props and children. Which is fantastic - the last Who exhibition the Wife and I toured had three confirmed bachelors with comb-overs nodding sagely at each of the glass cabinets in turn. It was an oddly emotionless affair, where this is a riot. Some facts for you, dear readers:

1) If you turned up in costume this weekend, you got in free.
Cue several five-year-olds pointing in puzzlement at the smelly man wandering around in a question-mark tanktop and a pair of tweed trousers that had ridden up above his ankles.
We checked: no it wasn't Sylvester McCoy.

2) It's very well done. But as there's only been seven episodes broadcast, it can smack of that Longleat exhibition desperation of 'Quick! Stick ANYTHING in!' Cue whole wall display of passcards from Ep 4.
The picture on Harriet Jones' MP badge is Penelope Wilton's Spotlight photo, you know.

3) By far the best sign in there is:

'Please DO NOT touch the exhibits.
There are CCTV cameras everywhere.
And only two exits to the Pier'

There's a nice picture of a reproachful Dalek next to it.

4) The Slitheen look amazing up close.
Or should that be 'The Slitheen look amazing when completely stationary'?

5) From her expression, the exhibition's 'human tree' Jabe appears to have a squirrel nesting somewhere unfortunate.

6) To my complete surprise, pages and pages and pages of a Doctor Who book I designed, Monsters and Villains, have been reproduced to introduce each monster.
For a time, I was more impressed about that than about the other stuff. Mainly because I could briefly pretend that I'd got my own gallery exhibition.

The other good thing was an odd moment when Gertie and I were heading back for the train. He tapped me on the shoulder as we were crossing a road and pointed over his shoulder.
"Gay sauna behind you."
It was a pebbledashed hostelry, the only clue being that the windows were blackened. It could have been curtains or a severe case of mildew.
"I went there once," he said. "The whole place is done out in an Egyptian style. Which is good as every single man was a shambling dusty cadaver that could have only just risen from their sarcophagus."
For one so short, he contains an awful lot of spite.


Rob said...

Ah. I think I know the one. (Not that I've ever been in, you understand, but the description fits with my somewhat cursory examination of the frontage.)

I mean, I know saunas are supposed to be a bit "kiss me quick" but that one looks like it's taken it to a whole new level.

Pashmina said...

Ah, so it was you who designed Monsters & Villains. I'm trying to persuade the booksellers of continental Europe and beyond that they really, really want to stock that (notfunny "Dr Who?" responses notwithstanding)

We were, in fact, admiring the layout in the office only the other day. Nice job.

Lee said...

Why thank you, my dear. You're very lovely. It's not bad for a month's work scrabbling through filing cabinets for *any* pictures of Zygons we could find...

Mr Oddverse said...

"Bonus Guest Child Lee (29)".

You're in danger of building up your part, young man.