Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Mysterious Fingering

This is truly a stirring story: a man found in a sopping wet suit was found traumatised and unable - or unwilling - to speak. Taken into care, the staff give him a pen and paper to write his name, instead he draws a beautiful picture of a piano. So the carers lead him to the chapel piano, where he plays and plays beautiful classical music for hours.

He's still not speaking, though. And no-one knows who he is.

Now. This opens a whole world of possibilities. Imagine if it were you? What would you do? Or more interesting, imagine if Geri Hallwell had washed up somewhere (let's pretend in the meantime that Greenpeace haven't - once again - mistaken her for a blue whale and tried to drag her back out to sea). She'd be fucked if she actually tried to make any music, despite all her protests that she's an actual musician. And it would be a real testament to her artistic skills (!) to see whether she was able to draw the machine in the studio that 'Makes Me Voice Less Flat', bless.

If I get washed up, I have no idea what I'll draw. The new Doctor Who logo is cock-awful, so I doubt I'd want to add to my trauma and draw that. Girls Aloud? Well, it is quite hard trying to get Nicola's likeness right - her unfortunate nose always comes out closer to that of a proboscis monkey (save your agreement for the Comments Box). Oh, our mystery man did draw what he'd like to play on - so I'd probably doodle an enormous organ. And I don't mean the one that's like a piano, da-boom-tish!

I do have a quiet suspicion that the Wife is to blame for our puzzling piano player. After all, he does take umbrage at any discourteous Functionary that may be serving our table. And one tinkling version of 'I Will Survive' too far from the functionary on the keyboard and I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised to hear a cry, a splash, and a gentle cleaning of hands...

Must have a word when I see him next.
 

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