Friday, May 06, 2005
LEE: Arg! Gallagher!
JAY: What are you doing?
LEE: Nothing! Nothing dubious. Go and make tea or listen to jazz or whatever it is you do.
JAY: That's the local police web site.
LEE: No it's not. It's Domino Pizza. They've rebranded.
JAY: With a crown and a gate as their logo?
JAY: And changed their name to Metropolitan Police?
JAY: That's going to cause some confusion. For one, no-one really thinks 'pizza' whenever they see a policeman, do they?
LEE: I knew one who was a right twelve-inch meaty feast...
LEE: ...Shame about the cheesy crust, though...
JAY: Am I going to have to show you the back of my hand?
LEE: You have to admit, '999' is a lot easier to remember as a telephone number.
JAY: Will you drop this charade or am I going to have to shave you bald and put you out in the cold? Again? Now why are you looking on the police website? And what are all these print-outs for Hungary for?
LEE: I think I may have done something a little silly.
JAY: Oh, not again...
LEE: So I may have to move to Hungary.
JAY: What is it?
LEE: A country. Main exports are clothes and footwear, machinery and -Ow! What was that for?
JAY: A very old joke. Now. What. Did. You. Do?
LEE: Well, you know I have a Star Trek uniform, well-
JAY: You have a Star Trek uniform? In this house?
LEE: Yes, but that's not the point-
JAY: It bloody well is now. I'm sending you to Hungary myself.
LEE: Do you want to hear the end of what I'd done or not?
JAY: I apologise. Do go on.
LEE: Well, yesterday was my first time voting yesterday, and so I needed a bit of security. So I put my Janeway uniform on under my clothes.
JAY: Do you do this often?
LEE: Only when you're at the shops. Anyway, I stormed into the hall, pretending to be the doyenne of the Delta Quadrant, crossed by choice with a flourish and flounced out. It was only then I noticed the sign.
JAY: Will you just get on with it? The Ottoman Empire fell in less time it's taken you to spin out this tale.
LEE: Well the sign said that it was a 'criminal offence to impersonate anyone when voting'. Oh Gallagher, I'm too pretty to go to prison! I'll never get any sleep!
JAY: Ah. Hence Hungary. Look, Beardface, I'm sure it'll all be fine. We'll just explain you're a moron and everything will be OK I'm sure. Right?
LEE: Oh. Really? Oh. OK. Right then. Are you sure?
JAY: Yes. Unutterably sure. Just one last question - why Hungary?
LEE: Well. I've picked a little bit of it up thanks to those... Gentlemen's Recreational Videos I have. I'm sure I'd be able to get by.
JAY: Explain to me how 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' in Hungarian would be useful in everyday parlance?
LEE: Oh? With me? You'd be very surprised.