Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Voting Time!

 
 
JAY: Beardface!

LEE: Arg! Gallagher!

JAY: What are you doing?

LEE: Nothing! Nothing dubious. Go and make tea or listen to jazz or whatever it is you do.

JAY: That's the local police web site.

LEE: No it's not. It's Domino Pizza. They've rebranded.

JAY: With a crown and a gate as their logo?

LEE: Yes.

JAY: And changed their name to Metropolitan Police?

LEE: Yes.

JAY: That's going to cause some confusion. For one, no-one really thinks 'pizza' whenever they see a policeman, do they?

LEE: I knew one who was a right twelve-inch meaty feast...

JAY: Binding!

LEE: ...Shame about the cheesy crust, though...

JAY: Am I going to have to show you the back of my hand?

LEE: You have to admit, '999' is a lot easier to remember as a telephone number.

JAY: Will you drop this charade or am I going to have to shave you bald and put you out in the cold? Again? Now why are you looking on the police website? And what are all these print-outs for Hungary for?

LEE: I think I may have done something a little silly.

JAY: Oh, not again...

LEE: So I may have to move to Hungary.

JAY: What is it?

LEE: A country. Main exports are clothes and footwear, machinery and -Ow! What was that for?

JAY: A very old joke. Now. What. Did. You. Do?

LEE: Well, you know I have a Star Trek uniform, well-

JAY: You have a Star Trek uniform? In this house?

LEE: Yes, but that's not the point-

JAY: It bloody well is now. I'm sending you to Hungary myself.

LEE: Do you want to hear the end of what I'd done or not?

JAY: I apologise. Do go on.

LEE: Well, yesterday was my first time voting yesterday, and so I needed a bit of security. So I put my Janeway uniform on under my clothes.

JAY: Do you do this often?

LEE: Only when you're at the shops. Anyway, I stormed into the hall, pretending to be the doyenne of the Delta Quadrant, crossed by choice with a flourish and flounced out. It was only then I noticed the sign.

JAY: Will you just get on with it? The Ottoman Empire fell in less time it's taken you to spin out this tale.

LEE: Well the sign said that it was a 'criminal offence to impersonate anyone when voting'. Oh Gallagher, I'm too pretty to go to prison! I'll never get any sleep!

JAY: Ah. Hence Hungary. Look, Beardface, I'm sure it'll all be fine. We'll just explain you're a moron and everything will be OK I'm sure. Right?

LEE: Oh. Really? Oh. OK. Right then. Are you sure?

JAY: Yes. Unutterably sure. Just one last question - why Hungary?

LEE: Well. I've picked a little bit of it up thanks to those... Gentlemen's Recreational Videos I have. I'm sure I'd be able to get by.

JAY: Explain to me how 'I'm coming! I'm coming!' in Hungarian would be useful in everyday parlance?

LEE: Oh? With me? You'd be very surprised.
 

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