Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Come Quietly

I think I'm on some police watch list now.

Well, yes. I've always been on that one for quite some time. And I do believe they are hilariously compiling a list for everyone who's ever posted an angry ferret to Daniel Bedingfield, but I gather there's a more serious one that my name may have cropped up on. It probably has headed paper.

Yes, it turns out you can order police gear over the interweb. Which was thoroughly useful, as I was at a 'Emergency Services' party last weekend and went as a fine British Bobby. The Wife went as a medic with a cape on, telling everyone he was a 'flying doctor' which was far funnier, and made me regret not going as a pharmacist. Well, any screaming mary worth his little blue pills has Pharmacist on speed-dial. Anyway, here's a picture to prove that I did.

PC 69!

Now. It's a criminal offence to impersonate a policeman, so you have to wonder why they're selling these things in the first place. Is it entrapment? If you buy enough they'll finally spring their cunning trap on you, just as you're joyously coveting your new ankle-boots? You see, I think I'm on their watch list as now they're trying to entice me into buying more of this militaristic millinery: almost every other day I've been sent a glossy catalogue of all these items that I apparently can't live without. It's very thorough. It's almost like the Bettaware catalogue, but with more tanks in it.

But you do find yourself glancing through the pages thinking "Ooh! Taser! The man of my dreams is merely a 'zap! thump!' away! And that marvellous riot gear would be just the ticket for the January Sales..." Lovely, lovely things! Why, there's an entire part of our community of the Gentlemen Who Can't Catch who are very much into their uniform you know - and it's only now that I really understand it. It's because it's so cheap and easily deliverable!

Well! I shall resolutely resist! They won't get me like that!

Right after I've checked out those stormtrooper boots. Well, they do have the most darling kicky little heel...
 

28 comments:

Concrete X said...

Tasers! They're great! Try cattle prods, too.

Especially on the small of your back. Cool.

Darren said...

Being of short stature and good memory (well, once upon a time) that picture makes you look rather taller than I remember you being...

Or has it just been taken at the same angle as your naughtier gaydar pictures?

cyberpete said...

Uuuuuh Lee has naughtier gaydar pictures? Can I see?

Cute picture by the way, but it looks more like you are a pilot for Maersk Air ;)

kim said...

Oh god, oh god, oh god.

Bad thoughts. Bad thoughts about the pretty, pretty boy in uniform.

No. Help. My eyes! Nurse! The Screens!

Miss Mish said...

I'm sorry. That looks more like Asda security guard to me....

Lee said...

Ah! It all comes clear. *You've* been in ASDA, haven't you? Ha! You admitted it!

mainja said...

they may have a darling kicky little heal, but probably bloody uncomfortable to dance in...

Clumber Boy said...

In that outfit, on a dry monday, you'd do.

Miss Mish said...

Of course I've ben in Asda! Whee else does one get fair trade fruit from?*


*Apart from Heaven that is.....

Lee said...

'Fair Trade'?

Well. Maybe. Or at least ones with highlights.

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