Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Get Your Plums Out

We at Glitter For Brains have a deep love for that pop-clotheshorse Rachel Stevens. You can throw anything at her, and it seems to stick - which is slightly unfortunate considering with all her mucky photoshoots she's found in, you can imagine what's usually being tossed in her general direction. She's the very pinnacle of what can happen when you haven't got time to think of any new ideas of your own and on a Matalan budget, spending your entire career veering from the recording studio to the photography studio via mediocrity. How fabulous.

Want a new video for your semi-generic single? Why not nick the backgrounds to Kylie Minogue's 'In Your Eyes'!

Lo! Can't afford the high-tech computery to power said flashing screens? Why not quarter the budget by having nine flashing lights behind you!

Want to look like you're at the cutting edge of choreography? Why not pinch the moves Dame K does for that Chocolate video, but speed them up slightly!

No new ideas of your own? You must be Rachel Stevens! Come in!

You'll be pleased to know we have a Credibility-O-Meter in Our Glittering Office, installed when Kelly Osborne announced she was doing a single (it's a hardy machine set to industrial standards, yet still quivered alarmingly when we played it 'One Word'). We point it at the TV these days, and watch it smoke and try to go into minus figures every time Mz Stevens pops up with something 'new'.

So should I be surprised when dear reader Owen found out that she's doing this then?

Filthy slag.

Ooh. Hang on.

How odd.

The Credibility-O-Meter went up a notch and stopped twitching. Hmm.

It probably means with her veering into soft-core, her next single is going to be fantastic...


Rob said...

Oh dear. Bless her.

It just doesn't quite work somehow. However hard she tries she's just not really vixen material, is she?

Eden said...

On behalf of my husband, bless you for sharing this.

Bob said...

She was the first live brit pop show I saw when I moved here last winter. I loved when they'd turn the mike on after a LIVE number and all you could hear was her huffing and puffing, trying to catch her breath. Bless.

Lee said...

Ha! Best story ever!

Darren said...

Oh dear... I actually quite like the new single. Certainly has more instant appeal than Negotiate with Love (although it did take it being played loudly in a pub with an ex present before itt clicked)...

She really does need to do something about her dancers though, hardly homosexual eye candy (unlike Kylie's wonderful shower scene *dribble*)

Owen Blacker said...

Coo, I'm "dear reader Owen"! ;o)