Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

A Little Advice

Here is a list of things not to attempt at your company's corporate 10th anniversary birthday do.

Come in drag.

Use your name badge to weedle that sesame seed out of your teeth while talking to clients.

Talk, laugh and dramatically yawn and tap your watch all the way through the Important Presentation, while being within sight of the Managing Director.

Steal a waiter's canapé tray to use in a game of Frisbee.

Drop-kick a flamingo.

Proclaim one of the director's wife's to have a face "so ugly it looks like a raped girl's knickers" within earshot.

Bring your own cheerleaders.

Manage to charm a bottle of champagne out of a waiter. And manage to charm a straw out of another. Then putting the two together with hilarious results.

When your tuxedoed manager states that you haven't made an effort, proclaim that, excuse him, but you're actually wearing underwear. For once.

Ask everyone you stumble into for a new job.

Set up a rival party in the venue's kitchen, saying 'Only the cool people can come in'.

Deny access to said party to your Line Manager.

And do any or all of this the day before your six-month appraisal.

Oh bugger.


cyberpete said...

'Drop-kick a flamingo'
That's very festive, I wish we had flamingos at our office parties.

Rob said...

"It looks like a raped girls' knickers"

This just caused me to do a nosetrick with a cup of very hot tea.

Evil. Evil I say.

Snooze said...

A cool kitchen party! What a great idea. My firm's annual general meeting just ended and before I had a chance to read, much yet use, any of these tips. I'll just have to wait until next year.

c'lam said...

i'm sure you'll charm your way through the appraisal!