Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Patty Griffin Vs Girls Aloud

Completely by accident, I happened to find myself in London's whizzy Hammersmith on two consecutive nights, and all to see live music. Rare indeed! Well, er, one of them was Girls Aloud, so 'live' is pushing it slightly. The other was The Wife's choice of entertainment, the lovely Patty Griffin. And as I pointed out this bizarre coincidence and similarity to the Wife while we queued, he seemingly had cause to spit his decaf soyabean tea with a cry of 'Incomparable!'

So. Shall we compare them for a laugh, boys and girls? Shall we? Lets!

Bark! The Act Pedigree:
Girls Aloud: shamelessly manufactured pop act, somewhat cruelly described by a friend as 'four girls, and a ginger Liverpool Echo competition winner who triumphed in having her photo taken with a band, who just sort of hung around...' Songs tend to be about boys, putting on make-up to get boys, and getting drunk and snogging boys.

Patty Griffin: kooky sensitive-singer-songwriter who wears a lot of natural fabrics. Songs tend to be about songbirds, trees, bombs and, er, making pies. Probably has a cat.

Long Life Milk! Been Around Since:
Girls Aloud: A few Christmasses ago.

Patty Griffin: since wool was the only fibre, seemingly. She knows what she likes and she's sticking to it! Possibly literally.

That's Entertainment! The Pre-Show:
Girls Aloud: Whizzy graphics, and some red carpet footage shown on a large video screen. Cheers as Brad Pitt, Dennis from Eastenders and Eminem are shown; hilarious booing when Angelina Jolie is put up.

Patty Griffin: A smattering of applause, some polite coughing and the high-noted rattle of someone trying to unwrap a Mint Imperial surreptitiously.

Who's in Tonight! The Audience:
Patty Griffin: Several Alice Bands, some sensible bobs and some racier denim on a couple of occasions. Why, The Home Counties must have been empty!

Girls Aloud: stonewashed denim, stretched t-shirts (riding up over belly, and unsuccessfully hiding man-boobs) and glittery belts. Why, the G-A-Y Bar must have been empty!

Nice Frock! Costume Changes:
Girls Aloud: Four.
1. Glittery bras over denim skirts that could kindly be described as 'clopper pelmets'
2. Glittery schoolgirl outfits
3. New Look eveningwear for the ballad section (polyester by the look of it - don't get it near the electrics, girls!)
4. Reworked leather and glittery denim for the fabulous finale!

Patty Griffin: None, alas. Natural fibre throughout. What we thought was going to be a costume change turned out to be a nip off stage to get a cough sweet, bless.

How Top Of The Pops! Miming:
Girls Aloud: Three songs, so Nicola could concentrate on her more complicated dance moves and count out loud without her mike picking it up. Bless.

Patty Griffin: Ah. Note-perfect live singing from start to finish.

Practical! Most Noticeable Technical Aspect:
Patty Griffin: Had colour-coded guitar straps for ease of choosing between each song.

Girls Aloud: Had colour-coded bit of tape on microphone to avoid confusion. To further avoid bewilderment, the tape didn't have names on, but matched the Girls' dresses. We're not joking.

All The World! The Stage:
Patty Griffin: Spot-lit black piano against a black stage, giving the look of carved onyx, all to emphasize the star.

Girls Aloud: Back-projected screensaver graphics and a bit of scaffold, whizzy lights and several glitter explosions, hopefully to detract from one of the backing dancers forgetting where he put his tambourine.

In The Foyer! Merchandise:
Girls Aloud: A cavalcade! Glittery cowboy hats left over from Madonna's last show, some glowsticks and whistles, with numerous t-shirts in sizes '4-year-old', '7-year-old' and 'Gay-Who-Should-Know-Better'.

Patty Griffin: A packet of Malteasers.

So! As you can see! Completely similar - in fact, I'm going to tell the Girls Aloud lawyers that someone's ripping off their act.

Although one does wonder what would have happened if they had sold the glittery cowboy hats, glowsticks and whistles at Patty's gig. It would have looked like there was a Hen-Night crashing the do. Rather than being on stage, as per the Aloud gig...


Snooze said...

Damn, when are Girls Aloud doing a North American tour? i may just have to fly to London to experience the thrill.

cyberpete said...

How come they don't swing past Denmark, they would fit in perfectly here |except nobody knows them|

Lee said...

That's very different to the UK. Here, no-one really cares.

Rob said...

Now that's not entirely true. They have a rabid following based on the fact they've got a very good album of flawless pop tracks under their belt.

The only problem is that that album doesn't exist yet. But when it does, "Androgynous Girls: The Very Best of Girls Aloud" will be one of the best records ever.

j(aded) said...

Aloud is just what Down Under needs right now...

Lee said...

> they've got a very good album of flawless pop tracks under their belt.

That's not their belts, that's their skirts.

mainja said...

"probably has a cat."

nice. very very nice.

also a big fan of the "gay-who should-know-better" sizing descriptor...

Owen Blacker said...

I've just read half of this out to the office. We approve. And I evidently need to get to know mainja better, as I'm agreeing again! :o)