Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, June 24, 2005

That Woman Again

The Wife every now and again climbs down from his Ivory Tower of sensitive Oirish singer-songwriters to come and see what we're up to in our paddling pool of pop. His latest mini-obsession is Marah Carey, a Glitter for Brains favourite from ages back.
"I tell you, the woman can't live without a wind machine," he said, pointing at her latest movie-length, $50 million dollar magnum opus video. "Look, she's plastered against her headboard by a wind tunnel!"
So joy and happiness abound this weekend gone when this turned out to be the start of back-to-back Mariah vids on the music channels.
"Perhaps her head is so full of puppies and kittens that she forgets basic motor functions and needs a wind machine to actually breathe," he mused, trying to toss his golden locks in a similar manner without cricking his neck. Well, if that was the case, her last video means she was in desperate need of artificial respiration: the gust throwing her straw-like hair back was like she was flying in a MIG with the cockpit hood off.
"She did a collaboration with Westlife?" he exclaimed as the next video popped up, clapping like a schoolgirl who got all the Valentines cards.
"Oh yes," I said. "It was the answer to that immortal riddle 'What do you call a dog with five dicks?'"
He shrugged.
"Mariah Carey and Westlife," I reiterated.
But he was already gone, mesmerised by the cheap handheld camera footage of Mariah and the boys to appreciate my Wildian wit. A video so discounted there's not even enough cash for her beloved breeze.
"Tsk," he grumbled. "Couldn't they get a runner to puff on her or something?"
"Do you reckon she's even on the same boat?" I asked, noting the marvellous lack of Westlife in any of her 'emotive-to-camera' shots.
"Oh honey, Mariah's been on a different boat aaaaall her life," he said. "And it's sailing all the way to Fantasy Island. Now shush and plug in the hair dryer - I've got some hair to toss!"

1 comment:

cyberpete said...

Also, she never wears a bra, she just let's her puppies out to play