That Woman Again

The Wife every now and again climbs down from his Ivory Tower of sensitive Oirish singer-songwriters to come and see what we're up to in our paddling pool of pop. His latest mini-obsession is Marah Carey, a Glitter for Brains favourite from ages back.
"I tell you, the woman can't live without a wind machine," he said, pointing at her latest movie-length, $50 million dollar magnum opus video. "Look, she's plastered against her headboard by a wind tunnel!"
So joy and happiness abound this weekend gone when this turned out to be the start of back-to-back Mariah vids on the music channels.
"Perhaps her head is so full of puppies and kittens that she forgets basic motor functions and needs a wind machine to actually breathe," he mused, trying to toss his golden locks in a similar manner without cricking his neck. Well, if that was the case, her last video means she was in desperate need of artificial respiration: the gust throwing her straw-like hair back was like she was flying in a MIG with the cockpit hood off.
"She did a collaboration with Westlife?" he exclaimed as the next video popped up, clapping like a schoolgirl who got all the Valentines cards.
"Oh yes," I said. "It was the answer to that immortal riddle 'What do you call a dog with five dicks?'"
He shrugged.
"Mariah Carey and Westlife," I reiterated.
But he was already gone, mesmerised by the cheap handheld camera footage of Mariah and the boys to appreciate my Wildian wit. A video so discounted there's not even enough cash for her beloved breeze.
"Tsk," he grumbled. "Couldn't they get a runner to puff on her or something?"
"Do you reckon she's even on the same boat?" I asked, noting the marvellous lack of Westlife in any of her 'emotive-to-camera' shots.
"Oh honey, Mariah's been on a different boat aaaaall her life," he said. "And it's sailing all the way to Fantasy Island. Now shush and plug in the hair dryer - I've got some hair to toss!"