Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Aftermath

Understandably, I haven't felt like posting the last couple of days due to all the sad events that happened in London on Thursday. But hey, this dastardly pink blog has a mission statement to cheer and eddy you all on regardless. So here's a quick list of things that we can still be joyful of in this dark age!

The Comedy Housemate and I have finally got around to getting a Cleaner!
Her name is Poulina. Poulina the Cleaner.
We gave her the job mostly because her name rhymed with her profession. And we aim to carry this on as far as it will go.
So far we can't get our bathroom tap fixed because nothing rhymes with 'Plumber'

Girls Aloud have a new single out in August!
Like you really need me to justify why this is on the 'It's Good' list.

You never have to see another Star Wars film again!
The giddy, hilarious joy of Revenge of the Sith closes that book on several hours of my giddy, hilarious life I've wasted. But no more! Hurrah! No more of George Lucas' uproarious attempts to paint femininity in characters by having them stand to one side and brush their hair! No more tittering at Amilala's wardrobe - did you see that night dress she was wearing? "She heaved herself out of bed looking like a drag queen!" laughed the Wife. "She was about to pop down to the Starlight Calypso Ballroom and do Streisand!"
Though we will be sad that we will also never get to see a Rabid Fan in the front row again. He'd brought his own lightsaber, bless. And twirled it around like a baton as the credits rolled. Aww.

The 'Public Are Clever' shocker!
No-one's buying the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise romance! You clever, clever bunch. We all know she's got a five-move contract and a sweet divorce deal already signed and delivered. But if you can't stand the idea of this bladder-on-a-stick getting anywhere in Hollywood, go here to pick up that kicky little t-shirt!

'Harry Potter and the Cock-Sucking Quiddich Players' is out on the weekend!
Not really, but whatever the sixth tome is will be released on a gawping, fawning public. This means that a) the tiresome chav children on the estate behind our luxurious house will be all in for a week, trying to remember how to read, meaning that b) corner shop crime will go down a marvellous 98%, meaning that c) the over-ordering the store-owners will have done to compensate will leave them with a surplus of stock, meaning d) they'll have to give it away before it spoils! Hurrah! Free Cornettos for all! Welcome to our Utopia!

The Queen has an I-Pod!
This pleases me. Although, one wag of a friend suggested she should really call it her 'one-Pod'.

Boom-Bang-A-Bang!
Lulu is safe.

There. Feel a warm glow about you! See, the world isn't that bad!
 

6 comments:

Snooze said...

You know, it always brightens my day to read Glitter for Brains so I'm glad you're back despite all the recent events.

As for Katie Holmes - I hope he does marry her and take her far, far away so I no longer have to endure her childlike idiocy.

cyberpete said...

Hear hear Snooze! Let's hope he ruins her career and we'll never see her again.. I'm going to watch Batman soon. next week or the week after

Louise said...

Thanks, lady-- but your cleaner, she's named after chickens? And of course now I'm wracking my brain trying to find words that rhyme with plumber.
So far:

dumber
strummer
cucumber (okay that's a long shot but it might be a fortunate nickname)

Katie and Tom... I wonder if he counsels vitamins and exercise to rid her of her gross face-herpes?

stroponstoke said...

Glad your back - you could try "Summer" for Plumber??? If there are any..

(Just hope you don't need an electrician or a gasman...)

Spaceminx said...

Bah! Louise got there first but I was going to say why don't you employ two particularly stupid plumbers, one more so than the other. Then you could have Dumb & Dumber as your plumber.

Alex said...

I have a beautiful image of John Selwyn Gummer with his arm up your u-bend.