Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, July 22, 2005

All Seeing

Enter Lee, carrying a mysterious holdall.

JAY: Beardface!

LEE: Gallagher!

JAY: Where have you been? I wanted you to witness the majesty of All I Have Created!

LEE: Your eyes go all weird when you say things like that. Did you know?

JAY: Yes.

LEE: Right you are, then. So what have you, uh, created?

JAY: Lo, the bridge and the river I have carved with my very hand!

LEE: ...

JAY: Well, go on! Start witnessing!

LEE: I am. They're... They're... well.

JAY: A marvel to stare upon? A joyous event for the eyes?

LEE: Well. A wee bit small.

JAY: What do you mean? They are perfectly in scale!

LEE: Yes, but the bridge is only two inches high. How are we going to play Pooh Sticks across that?

JAY: We're not. They're for my Orcs to maraude and slaughter the oncoming armies of my foes!

LEE: Ah. They're for your War Gnome things. Right you are.

JAY: But good idea on the Pooh Sticks. That was marvellous afternoon we spent playing that...

LEE: I did like your idea of forgetting twigs and using children instead.

JAY: Thank heaven you brought the chloroform in the picnic basket.

LEE: And fat girls do get up quite a speed, I discovered to my joy.

JAY: Yes, there was me going for the sylph-like form of a gangly five-year-old, when your fat little ginger cow zipped past thanks to the added ballast of three ice-creams she'd just enjoyed.

LEE: Ah. Happy days.

JAY: Indeed. Now. Are you going to tell me where you've been, you shaggy oaf?

LEE: I've been at my night class. You know - psychic studies.

JAY: Ah yes. How was Hogwarts?

LEE: Shut up. It's nothing like that. Though it was quite sad - it was my last lesson.

JAY: So does this mean you're a fully-qualified psychic?

LEE: I guess so, yes. Though we missed a lesson two weeks ago because it was cancelled due to the bombs on the tube.

JAY: Of course the question is: was it cancelled before or after they went off?

LEE: You're going to hell, you know.

JAY: My dear boy, I'm driving the bus there. And I'm choosing the radio station.

LEE: Ooh. Nasty. 'Jazz FM'. But yes, I think that - if I'm not completely psychic - I'm a way there.

JAY: Interesting. So, what am I thinking about?

LEE: It doesn't work like that!

JAY: Go on. What am I thinking about?

LEE: I said -

JAY: Go on! NOW!

LEE: The new The Wood Elves of Athel Loren figures with no dry-brushing and carved display stands.

JAY: That is incredible.

LEE: Not really. It's what you're always thinking about.

JAY: Oh. By golly, I think you're right! So why so cheerless, my hirsute housemate?

LEE: Well, that was my last lesson. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

JAY: Well, then you're clearly a rubbish psychic after all!

LEE: Am I going to have to curse you?

JAY: Don't you dare pull your wand out at me, beardface! You remember what happened last time you did.

LEE: Ow. The cold spoon. Yes.

JAY: Anyway, was there a graduation ceremony?

LEE: Er, no... No there wasn't, actually.

JAY: How terribly remiss of them. You should be sent off into the world as a fully-fledged gypsy.

LEE: Eh?

JAY: Given a marvellous headscarf. Oh, and all the cheap gold bangles you can carry on your forearms.

LEE: (uneasily) Ahaahaha. That would be silly,

JAY: Good. Carry on, then. I'm going to lord it over some lesser mortals.

LEE: You going to play War Gnomes?

JAY: No, I'm going see how many waiters I can make cry at dinner tonight. Goodbye, beardface!

Exeunt Jay carrying bridge under arm.

LEE: Hmm. I wonder how I can tell him we've now changed our names to Gypsy Pollengrah and Gypsy Umlaught, and have to go and live in a gaudily-painted caravan in Blackpool...


CyberPete said...

Pooh Sticks is that a rude game?

Lee said...

Certainly not.

There's NEVER anything rude on this blog, I'll have you know.

Jay said...

I love you, and the pooh sticks with children is something we should play again... particularly since London is full of Italian Children with luminous rucksacks - it makes identification in the murky water of then Thames so much easier!

Bob said...

you said "Jay: Lo"

I thought after Gigli were done with her.

Sorry your course is over ... won't Dionne Warwick be teaching a post-graduate seminar soon?

CyberPete said...

How could I have missed such a game like Pooh Sticks! With such history and a booklet.. Wow, I feel bad for all us Danes who could be playing Pooh Sticks right now

SL&V said...

Sod the Pooh Sticks... I wanna see Jay's minatures ;)

Jay said...

Then pop over to our fabulous london bridge pad Darian my love and so you shall ;-)

SL&V said...

Awaiting official embossed invite...

And a wig to wear.