Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Anthology of Interest Part III

Well look! It's Friday once again, my fair chickadees! The weekend is upon us - stretched before us like the legs of some comely gentleman caller, begging for us to climb aboard and have some fun! But lo - you're just planning a trip to the supermarket and maybe painting the hall? Tish and pish, young reader! There's so much fun to be had out there. Why not let Glitter For Brains give you some lovely suggestions on how to spend these two days of bliss!

Learn Alchemy!
Ah, a power as ancient as Cher herself! Why not dabble in the Dark Arts this weekend, and learn how to turn lead into gold, water into wine, and a Will Ferrell film into something watchable? You'll be a hit at parties, never be stuck for jewellery, and it's apparently really easy to do. All you need is lots of lead - easily available from your local hardware store or church roof - and harness the huge electrical power of lightning. And that's even easier to get - just make sure you're tapping into the mains wherever Penelope Cruz is next having electrolysis and you're away! Doubloons for all!

Clean Out Your Wardrobe!
With a heatwave currently straddling both sides of the Atlantic, isn't it about time we engaged in a little necessary clothes-culling? Lets face it, with so many fabulous garments, If you're anything like me, I'd wager you haven't been up the back of the closets since bursting out of them while watching Xanadu during our first year of college! It's time to sort out your sensational swag - and who knows, you may even find something a little more more showy in the ankle department!
And who knows, this good-will to clothes may just spill out onto the street and stop this awful fad of grown heterosexual men wearing pink t-shirts - something we're currently infested with in our fair capital. Don't worry. I've Had Words with someone, so it shouldn't last too long!

Hang Around The Playgrounds, Shouting The End of The Harry Potter Book!
For no other reason than we love seeing other people's children crying!

Create Your Own Cocktail!
It's time to raid the back of those cupboards and get rid of all that shite you bought in Spanish Customs to get rid of your pesetas! It'll be the perfect base for your new, self-named sozzler that you're about to whip up in a galvanised bucket. Pimms? Pah! You're going to need something a little more fabulous to enjoy on this sizzling weekend. How about making a 'Summer Barbecue' - lager, vodka, pimms and some paraffin. Or how about a 'Mr Fisty' - five fingers and you're fucked!

Live Your Weekend In The Style of An Eighties Teen Movie!
What better way to pass the weekend than bringing the joy of dance to your stuck-up, Bible-loving, parochial town? Or pretending to be a strong-yet-sensitive woman who's a welder by day and a dancer by night! Why yes - it's time to scissor-kick all your way down the shops in your Fame-style legwarmers and pay in sweat, not cash! (Thus probably getting arrested - but fingers crossed it may be by Sergeant Mahoney!)
The Wife and I are veering towards spending the time creating a saucy Kelly La Brock using my Commodore 64, his Barbie doll, and a pile of brassieres that neither of us will admit to owning. Weird Science indeed! Although my '64 hasn't worked since I spilled a can of Quatro on it in 1987, so we're probably just going to end up with some d-list British star trying to be cheeky with us in the power-shower. Probably that Carol Vorderman. Can you imagine? "I'll take two from the top and one up the bottom!" indeed!

There! Fun for all - have a blissful time and see you back here on Monday!
 

5 comments:

Vampire Librarian said...

Lee, though he's no longer on your list, Ben Browder now stars on Stargate SG-1. I watched the season premiere. His character is basically the same as the one from Farscape. You might want to check it out.

Miss Mish said...

Ignore this, read my blog, go to Big Blogger and point out how wonderful I am.
Please.
There'll be a voddy in it for you darling.

mainja said...

which move has the welder by day dancer by night?

Lee said...

Tsk, Mainja - 'Flashdance'! Where the sensitive-yet-hard-nosed Alex holds down these two disperate jobs and wants to get into ballet school. Larks!

And Mish - stop flashing your ankle to entice people over, you charming lush!

Snooze said...

I'm still cracking up over Mr. Fisty. Sadly I didn't attempt any drink nearly that exotic over the week-end and just had Heineken.