Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

A Joyous Return

Hello. I'm back. And thank you so for the applause - there's nothing I enjoy more than an enthusiastic hand going back and forth on my entrance.

New York, as I'm sure you're aware, is marvellous. For a whole week, my life was champagne, cocktails, heights and helicopters, resulting in holiday snaps that look more like stills from a particularly glamorous opening of a soap opera. And the food! Goodness, my body hasn't had anything that rich in it since I drunkenly bumped into Bill Gates in 1992 and thought 'Ah, what the heck...'


Things I Learned In New York

Times Square isn't square

The Statue of Liberty is tiny

Or possibly far away - my depth perception was out thanks to some misfired semen that very morning

I don't recommend the Empire State Building at all. The queues were monstrous, and the barriers are much too high to nudge any of children running about down the 85 dizzying floors. Besides, for a birthday treat, the Wife had booked us into The Rainbow Rooms not two days before. Although it was only 65 stories up, you did get a panoramic view of New York and a cocktail thrust into your hand as you stepped out of the art deco lift. Much more civilised.

The men of New York weren't as pretty as I hoped or feared

There's a fabulous statue of Alice in Wonderland in Central Park. Which is surprisingly easy to climb

And Yankie Toys R Us sells inappropriate things; for example, DVDs of 'The Ring'. We stood around the display for a good thirty minutes, willing some child to throw a tantrum and demand that they had it. No such luck. And it was the actual 'Ring' film. Not 'Barbie stars in The Ring' with free plastic dress-up Samara. Shame.


Southern Bird said...

Christ i've wet myself reading your blog for the first time. Not the whole thing of course. I'm not a stalker! (yet, fnar! No i jest)
If you dont mind, i'm simply going to HAVE to blogroll you the next time i get to my laptop.
Muchos kudos.

Southern Bird.

St. Dickeybird said...

I loved the men in NYC.
Well, not literally. Okay, maybe, I can't really remember.
But I do remember flirting my way around Chelsea for a week.

Glad you enjoyed yourself, other than the misfired semen.

Broderick said...

Welcome back to the civilised world, Lee!

Snooze said...

Yay! Lee's back. And apparently you did solve the problem of your little troll as he didn't make an appearance during your trip.

I was thinking of going up the Empire State building the next time I'm in NYC, but will pass on that now thanks to your handy travel guide. I do love the imagery of trying to nudge children over the edge though.

Bob said...

Welcome back. Glad you found Alice in my old wonderland. Rainbow Room ... v nice indeed. You boys are the poshiest.

tornwordo said...

Yay, you're back. Or have gone, whatever. Glad to get to read you again.

kyknoord said...

You're back. Huzzah! You know, I've always thought Bill Gates was a lucky bastard, but I would never have guessed just HOW lucky. At least now I know why he has that permanent satisfied smirk plastered on his nerdy visage.

Joe said...

The trick to the ESB is to go in the early evening while all the tourists are at dinner or at the shows. No lines, and you get to see Manhattan at night. They used to let you go all the way up to the 102nd floor, I got to do that once.

And yes, the SOL does look small from most vantage points on the island. But take the free Staten Island Ferry which goes right back the Statue, and you'll be suitably impressed.

I offer my tour guide services for your next visit.

paddalumpakins said...

Did you guys go to the Roxy? There are a lot of pretty men there...incredibly they all seem to be fairly hard when they dance. As I'm sure I don't have to tell you, it's a little distracting to be dancing near man whose cock is thrusting back and forth into your face. It's also more than a little nerve racking since I know it's not me that's keeping it up. I never want to be the cause of a fallen cock...

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Hoodia said...

Help me Dude, I think I'm lost..... I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw him in a car lot yesterday, which is really strange because the last time I saw him was in the supermarket. No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender". He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a San Diego cosmetic surgery doctor ,to fit into those blue suede shoes of yours. But Elvis said in the Ghetto nobody can afford a San Diego plastic surgery doctor. Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger. Then I'm gonna go round and see Michael Jackson and we're gonna watch a waaaay cool make-over show featuring some Tijuana dentists on the TV in the back of my Hummer. And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . . "You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on " Strange day or what? :-)