Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


So it was around the kitchen table that three great witches gathered. In attendance, Madam Zolga (the Wife), Dame Pollengrah (my lovely friend Dolly) and Mrs Sherry Bottle (myself) all attempting to break the veil. Or at least tear it a little. Possibly put a kicky little diamante hem on it.

Although we knew the tone of the evening when someone forgot the caldron and we had to make do with a fondue set.

Anyway Dolly, an accomplished psychic and bed-wetter, is a deft hand with the tarot and told us all sorts of things about Season Two of Doctor Who and what's going to happen between Britney and Kevin. Dolly also bequeathed an early thirtieth birthday present in the form of some gorgeous Housewives Tarot cards, a fabulous set of fifties glamour-mag arcana that are impossible not to love. Take a look. Who cannot adore any pack that insists on finishing a reading with a nice martini?

While he was jiggling my King of Wands and sticking his hand up my chakra, I was dabbing around with the tea leaves (using herbal tea, naturally) and lighting the way for the spirits (using a Kenzo candle) but the gingham on the back of the cards started to interfere with my readings, and all we got were the spirits of c-list celebs popping up. And you have no idea how hard it is to shift Elizabeth Taylor? Do you? (Oh you say she's not dead. But if that's the case, why does my ouija board keep spelling out 'Marry me, Richard Burton!' every time I grab the pointer?)

Then Wife dropped his wand into the fondue and we had to try and fish it out with the end of his Knave of Cups. We gave up after an hour and tried to contact the dead properly. But only the fabulous ones - Gianni Versace, Judy Garland.

Though who was the slightest bit surprised when we contacted Madonna's career, then? Mmm?


Jay said...

I'd forgotten we have a fondue set... marvellous!

I hope you cleaned out the rest of the eye-of-newt

The exile said...

I was so hoping you'd make reference to the Fall of Madge.

Poor old nag: but then again, anyone who keeps burning alive a feud with the ghastly Elton John can't be all bad.

CyberPete said...

I've always wondered, can you read tea leaves from tea bags?

EarthMother said...

I'd like to meet Madonna's taxidermist

Dantallion said...

Apparently Guy Ritchie's currently developing an autobiographical project, tentatively called "The Necromancer"

kyknoord said...

I heard that 'The Mummy III' was nearing production.

CyberPete said...

Starring Madonna as the mummy?

Rob Version 1.0 said...

You're funny.

You also have a great collection of work at your teaLady site. Congrats on all those great jobs.

Actually you lost me around the housewife cards, sidetracked, checked the H.R. Geiger cards, decided the housewife cards are better, came back, the wife "drops" something, "oops." and then Madonna's dead?

Some blogs take two or three attempts to understand. I'll be back.