Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

World Tourists

We were both sat on the steps to St Paul's Cathedral, swinging our legs and watching the tourists go by.
"I've got a plan," I said, mainly to distract the Wife. He was holding his umbrella like a pool cue, and slyly moving in to jab at a pigeon.
"Go on," he said out of the corner of his mouth.
"Lets hang around and try and get in as many tourist photos as possible."
"I've got a better plan," he said after a moment, straightening up and listlessly abandoning his prey. "But it requires lots and lots of cash."
"I'm intrigued."
He watched his pigeon bob away. "Let's pick on a tourist couple who we know are travelling the globe. And we follow them, wherever they go, anywhere in the world. And then we get into every single photo they take, just in the background."
"Wow!"
"And when they get home, they'll get them all developed and they will be scared shitless!"
"Fantastic!"
"We could wear the national costumes of the country we're in."
"Or - or! - we could wear the costume of the country we've just visited!"
He liked that idea. "Oh yes. An Eskimo outfit in China!"
"And a lederhosen in Greece!"
"I'll pack some deodorant, then."
"Utterly, utterly brilliant. So. How much money have you got?"
He rattled around in his pocket for a second or two. "Uh, about two pound eighty..."
"Oh."
"Oh well."
"Oh well indeed."
"Hm. It was a good plan."
"It was a very good plan."
He nodded slowly. "Fancy an iced bun in the crypt café instead?"
"You're on."
 

11 comments:

Jellyfish said...

*insert some clever double entendre about 'brass rubbings' here*

Broderick said...

"Inuit", Lee, not "Eskimo!"

It is a very good plan though. You need some sponsorship to make it work... You could apply to the government because it is a sort of performance art piece.

c'lam said...

is that not what that amazing race programme was all about?

get on there.

The exile said...

You can get arts grants for being a stalker?

Snooze said...

The Wife's plan was sheer brilliance. You need to start a fund online. All your readers can contribute.

Owen Blacker said...

Definitely. You should start accepting PayPal.

Oh, you already do? ;oþ

Ms Mac said...

I am sad to be missing out on the Lederhosen pics. Oh well.

Pam said...

My girlfriend and I had fun in Central Park, rowing on the lake and getting in people's wedding pictures.

j(aded) said...

i'm with c'lam... isn't that what the host does on The Amazing Race?

Lee said...

I, alas, have no idea what you're on about. Sounds colonial.

Online Dating Insider said...

I have to admit that sounds pretty funny, but hardly worth the effort.

Not even worth the effort to sit outside in NYC during this summer heatwave.