Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Sibling Rivalry

We're a godless bunch now Dame Kylie is currently out of action.

It's all rather like that village in the Indiana Jones film; without our icon, our crops will fail and our water runs muddy. The swivel-headed gays in London's trendy London just don't know who to pray to, and chaos is reigning supreme in the clubs. Crime is on the up, morale is down, and no-one can stuff balloons up their top without feeling some sort of remorse.

Which is why we should be more vigilant to any pretenders to her glittering throne.

Oh, we've seen off Lisa Scott-Lee, and I personally winged Rachel Stevens with a bullet down Tesco car-park, but this week the threat comes from a more insidious source: Dame Kylie's very own sibling, Dannii. Now, we're never one to cast aspersions - but that is because we are gay and couldn't throw if there was a signed key to Liza Minelli's medicine cabinet as a prize. But is it a coincidence that her Lady Macbeth of a sister has suddenly geared up to do some disco tracks of her own while Dame K has to suffer the indignity of headscarves?

Perhaps leading one to believe perhaps Dame K isn't sick at all, and that filthy Dannii merely stapled a pickle onion into the inside of her sister's bra?

Look at her. Look at a still from her latest video. Cast ye eyes over the pretender to the throne. And Take Against Her.

Boo!

Thankfully, the track is rather asinine, so should slip down the back of the DJ booth without a stir. Dame Kylie's place is secure, the gays are happy and all will be merry down Old Compton Street.

Sigh.

Perhaps we're reading a little too much into it. How could the woman we accuse be tending her ill sister and then go on to plan world disco domination? I mean, how silly would you be to try and take her place while she is ill?

She couldn't really be trying to take Kylie's place, could she?

(looks back at video)

Could she?

It's A Snood Off!

25 comments:

Broderick said...

What is this strange square-mouth face she's making in the bottom left picture? It looks as if instead of getting collagen injected she had it sucked out instead. Hellooooo Skeletor...

Bob said...

I read somewhere that a Kyle statue is going to be erected on Old Compton. Can this be true?

CyberPete said...

Oh dreary Dannii, she's so fun. Just remember that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I wouldn't put that cocktail onion idea past her though.

kyknoord said...

And what's with all the double letters in her name? Did dear ol' dad have an episode of the DTs in the registry office?

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