Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Adventures in Time and Spain Part II

On the second day, I sorta broke into a cathedral.

As it stood, the only real sightseeing available in our resort was one gentleman with nice pectorials who'd taken to wandering around topless by the pool at 11.40 each morning. He was a good sight. Until his scraggy wife hoved around the corner that is, scattering cigarette ash over the pram she pushed, barking and whining her general displeasures at him. In my eyes, that little look he gave me each morning as I passed coquettishly was 'Rescue me. Take me away from her, and I'll pleasure you in ways you haven't yet dreamed of' but more likely to be 'If I just keep nodding, she'll wear herself out and I can watch the footie this afternoon' in retrospect.

The other nice sight I saw on holiday was when we braved the bus service and went over to the next town. I'd gained a little knowledge of the local tongue thanks to a little Spanish rubbing off me a few years back; I forget his name. Unfortunately time had eroded what I'd learned so long ago, so I was reduced to pointing in the general direction I wanted to travel, saying 'por favor' and offering cash. Unless I wanted to thrill the bus driver with the completely unforgettable Foreign for 'Duck! I'm about to spill my self-custard!'


My sister was still pissing me off, and had now taken to walking around demanding ice-cream because we'd shouted at her the day before for being demanding (no self-awareness, that girl) so I'd found a cathedral for us to visit. Mostly because even she would have to be quiet inside.

It was shut. And she wasn't going to be quiet.

So we rounded the corner and took a rest in the gardens. While she complained to my mother some more, I kicked about a bit, examining the fountain, picking at the columns and loving the magestic building towering above us. Which is when I noticed the door.

It was old. Naturally. But but like an attendee of a Gentleman's Health Club, face-down on a mattress at 11am on a Sunday, just begged to be forced open and whatever inside enjoyed. So I stuck my hand in an jiggled around a bit. There was a satisfying groan and the passage was opened.

My mother got up with a start. "Lee! Whatever are you doing?" she exclaimed. I put a finger to my lips and grabbed her hand, beckoning her into the cathedral. She wasn't sure, but I gently pulled her through anyway.

It was like another world after the heat outside. The midday sun poured light through the stained glass, embellishing the floor with royal blues and lavish reds. Dust, disturbed my our entrance, floated in the motes of light. As our eyes adjusted, we could start to make out the roof seemingly miles above us. I breathed out an impressed sigh.

"Well, bugger me," whispered my mother as she stepped up beside me. She span on her heels to take it all in.

I grinned at her, and took out my mobile phone and clicked it to camera. Just one picture...


And then all the bells in the world started ringing.

"Run!" I yelled, pelting for the door.

* * *

We got our breath back on a wall half a mile down the road after making sure there were no torch-carrying vicars running after us.

"Well I hope you've learned your lesson, young man," scolded my mother.

"Of course I have," I said, still slightly breathless.

"Never break into anywhere," she said, folding her arms.

"No. Never take photographs as the cathedral clock is striking three. It's bloody loud inside."

Her face fell. Then she checked her watch and laughed and laughed and laughed.


mainja said...

hmmm, church, bath house and mother, all in subsquent paragraphs.

that's impressive even for you lee...

Dantallion said...

I think I know that door.

Vampire Librarian said...

So where's sis while you and your mom are running from nothing?

Lee said...

*She* hadn't moved from the ice-cream stand.

What a surprise.

kyknoord said...

The girl has no soul.

tornwordo said...

Great story. And I love the bitter affection between siblings ;)

Fuckkit said...

Damn it I missed you while you were away :)

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Drat! Where in Christmas is this place? Bloody new fangled demon-box. Should've stuck to the crystal ball...

Ooh. What's this?