Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Friday, November 18, 2005

It's All About Meme, Meme, Meme

A chance to talk about moi? No, really I couldn't!

No, wait! Come back! I was only joking! Of course I will.

This comes via the handsome tornwordo at Sticky Crows, and you're meant to put the first thing that comes into your head. Alas, my first thought is usually the noise a BBC Micro used to make when you turn it on, I had to go for the second choice. Read on. And feel free to pilfer it for your lovely selves, you gorgeous things.

1) My mother once: killed a goat. Not in a ritualistic manner - she just tied it too close to the coal bunker and it ate all the coal. She told us it 'had gone back to the farm', despite being clearly seen taking something wrapped in a coat that was the size and shape of a dead goat up the back of the garden as we were coming home from school.

2) Never in my life: have I regretted 'going commando' more than that day in 1996.

3) When I was five: I covered my hands in glue and pretended to have a skin complaint to piss off the kid with excema.

4) High School was/is: dangerously close to being like the 'Beauty School Dropout' from Grease, in retrospect...

5) I will never forget: my first pay packet. I lay on my bedroom floor and rolled around in ten pound notes for two solid hours.

6) I once met: royalty. We had no idea who each other were.

7) There's this person I know who: used to believe it was 1912. He refused to travel on the tube lines that weren't around then as he was convinced they didn't exist.

8) Once, at a bar: in Barcelona, I jumped on it and danced all the moves to 'Can't Get You Out of My Head' in front of all my work colleagues. The horror, the horror...

9) By noon I'm usually: throwing a shoe at our useless PA. Ten points if you get her on the back of the head while she's eating a sandwich.

10) Last night I: danced around in my pants to the new Girls Aloud record. I got so excited, I burped falafel.

11) If I only had: more dignity.

12) Next time I go to church/temple: I'll flush when I've finished.

13) Terri Schiavo: sounds like someone who advertises their own brand of nasal hair trimmers

14) I like: making people laugh til they cry.

15) When I turn my head left, I see: The rest of the office.

16) When I turn my head right, I see: My lifesize Condoliza Rice.

17) You know I'm lying when: I compliment you enthusiastically.

18) In grade school: I used to sniff cleaning powder.

19) If I was a character written by Shakespeare: I'd be poorly-spelt and use a lot of exclamation marks.

20) By this time next year I: hope to have found a use for those six months we wasted on learning 'the crop rotation cycle' in third-year History.

21) A better name for me would be: Flipsy the Christmas Weasel.

22) I have a hard time understanding: emotion. I had my tear-ducts lasered shut in 1957.

23) If I ever go back to school I'll: be too big for the desks.

24) You know I like you if: I haven't complimented you outlandishly.

25) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: whoever I'd blown to get the award.

26) I hope that: I wasn't really serious with the above answer, but I'm beginning to question it...

27) Take my advice: camels are NOT to be trifled with.

28) My ideal breakfast is: a bottle of chocolate syrup. Brought to me by a naked Ben Browder. Hilarity ensues.

29) A song I love, but do not have is: 'Shirley Bassey Sings Charlotte Church.'

30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: bringing a bulldozer. No, really. It's hideous.

31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: I'm more of a pansy.

32) Why won't anyone: tell Madonna.

33) If you spend the night at my house: you'll have to be careful on the turnstile I had installed instead of a bedroom door.

34) I'd stop my wedding: if the dress wasn't big enough.

35) The world could do without: women in front of you stopping suddenly at clothes store windows, beguiled by New Fashion.

36) I'd rather lick the belly of a roach than: watch any more CSI.

37) My favorite is: the button marked 'Destroy Celine Dion'.

38) Paper clips are more useful than: BBC Breakfast News.

40) And by the way: that outfit? *Fabulous*.

41) The last time I was drunk: I stuck my hand in a birthday cake.

42) My grandmother always: watches over me. Bless her.


Logan said...

There's been a "Destroy Celine Dion" button all this time, and we're supposed to believe that nobody's pressed it yet?

Puh-lease. It obviously just doesn't work. It'll be just her and the roaches someday when the rest of the world goes barren.

CyberPete said...

I did the Can't Get You Out Of My Head thing a couple of years back on an easter break, same result as you.

Snooze said...

Even I'd watch the Oscars if they had the kind of acceptance speech you're planning.

mainja said...

hey! wait a minute... i'm almost certain that you have complimented. at the time i was happy. but now i'm sad. :(


Spinsterella said...

Are you sure that you're happy about your grandmother watching over you all the time?

tornwordo said...

Love your answers. You make me laugh often and a couple of times to tears. Glad to hear you like that!

Rob said...

Number seven...

Oh Lord.

I'd quite forgotten about him.

Didn't he also have a taxi he used to refer to as a newfangled contraption?

And cried on the jubilee line?

Darren said...

Hmm, well I know number 22 isn't true...

Was the wife at g-a-y for Madonna last night? I saw someone very similar looking to him in the "Keith Moon" bar, but decided it was probably best to avoid looking any more of an idiot after queueing for wristbands and entry...

I never knew my nipples could make such prominent lumps in my t-shirts....

BipolarPrincess said...

Your blog is hilarious!

:* Princess