Journey through space to the Planet Fabulous, where the Ruler of the Universe will see you shortly.

Monday, November 28, 2005

New Favourite Story!

While carousing down the local tavern, glass of port in one hand and waiter in the other, I came across my old chum little Timmy in the corner. I apologised profusely and offered him a hankie, and while he dabbed himself he offered to tell me a story that 'I would love' in exchange for a beer.

Well, I let go of the waiter and ordered him to the bar, poste-haste, for I was all ears for little Timmy. He spins a good yarn, and isn't bad-looking to boot. His story went thus:

Some years back, he went to an all-access Sheryl Crow gig. He subsequently got chatting one of Old Shazza's roadies, who toured with (get this) Cher a few years back.

So, as part of this tour, Cher was to be lowered from the sky on a big glitter ball - as all Elderly Women Who Are Playing To Gentlemen Who Are Good With Colours are want to do. And all this while wearing a glittery leotard/frock. Imagine the adulation from the pink throng beneath her. Why, I'm nearly fainting with pure Gayness at the thought!

Unfortunately. Oh yes, unfortunately, the winch holding Dame Cher aloft over the doting pooves broke slightly, and she got stuck in mid air. She was arse up, and the glitter ball continued its decent, banging away at her as it continues toward the stage.

Apparently, when they did manage to wangle the old crone free she later referred to herself as some "fucking drag queen PiƱata."

Oh yes.

Are you still laughing? Because I am.
 

9 comments:

EarthMother said...

Good Lord, I wonder if you hit her with a stick, what goodies might spill out from her?

Logan said...

Pff, I've been calling her that for ages, sans the pejorative undertones.

CyberPete said...

I've got tears in my eyes. I haven't laughed this hard in ages

Eden said...

OMG -- it *is* a Lee story. There's Cher, there's glitter, there's pooves... it's perfect!

Snooze said...

Wonderful story - it gave my spirits a big boost. Now if I had some liquid spirits as well, I'd feel even better

Imogen said...

You've missed an important element! The wig, the wig- what happened to the wig?
Please tell me it fell off and was taken home by an adoring fan..

kyknoord said...

It doesn't get much better than that, does it?

Lee said...

> Please tell me it fell off and was taken home by an adoring fan..

Oh, if only, Imogen. She has them riveted to her head each number, you know.

RickB said...

hahah. now when do we get to see that happen to diana ross. You know cher once revealed on live and kicking how to make those wigs (the ones with a rhinestine skull cap) No prizes for guessing what I spent my Saturday doing. and Saturday night wearing.